This semester I have been sufficiently humbled. I struggled in my degree, I struggled in my relationship with God, I struggled in my marriage, I struggled in about every aspect of life. I do not say these things on an extreme level, as the connotation denotes, but in the sense that I have not met my own goals or ambitions to the extent that I would wish. By saying this I do not wish to discount everything I said in my last post, but only to say that I am capable of better, and I have not wholly done my best.
This semester I had to come to grips with reality. I can't do everything I want to do simultaneously. I need to focus on one thing at a time, line upon line. This is something I have had to relearn. Isn't it interesting that through our mortal probation and essentially, our "test in life" we constantly have to review what we have studied, or learned. At least this is the case with me. I suppose I am human enough that I need constant, repeated lessons.
This past semester I was focusing on many things at once, which is expected, since at the university we are supposed to be learning many things at once. I was focussing on being a good wife, trying to fit time into my schedule for my husband, trying to learn to be a good singer, trying to be a good student, good member of the church, good friend, good family member, and god intellectual. I was trying to capture the spirit of learning, maintaining a good spirit in our home, being on good terms with my teachers, trying to not get sick, and show my love for my husband. All these little things add up! And these things are good things, but I have come to conclude that I need to focus on one or two things in all these categories, not every aspect of every category all at once. This would only slow down the learning process.
This past General Conference President Uchtdorf spoke on this matter. He said that it is easy to get busy, and when tough times come, it is easy to speed up as opposed to slowing down. It is as if an increase of pace will fix the problem, or in more palpable terms, it will speed up the time or event to make it that much more bearable. What happens happens. But this simply is not the case, we will be more benefitted if we slow down to attend to our problems then running away from them. We will learn so much more if we slow down and wholly learn concept than if we are cramming for a test or lesson we have to pump out.
This is especially applicable to me as a student. Welcome to the life of a music major. Everyone wants to finish on time, but hardly any music major does because unless things are planned out perfectly and everything goes perfectly, it won't be the case. So every music major is trying to finish school as fast as they can. I can't debate with that. I understand the motives of trying to finish fast. In my case, I want to start a family, I want to finish around the same time as my husband, I don't want to be an eternal student (well, sorta, I still want to be learning eternally). Also, a music major's schedule consists of a lot of classes, all about 2 or 1 credits each. This is not simply because the classes are easy. No sir. They are challenging and time consuming. It is because a music major has to take so X number of classes and there is a credit limit for the degree. I typical music major will be taking 6-10 classes per semester, that is, if they want to graduate as soon as possible. A music major is well aware of their surrounding peers. We are a tight-knit group of sorts. Everyone knows everyone and everyone's story. We know that so-and-so has a full schedule. Wow. That is admirable that they can do so much! President Uchtdorf said something that was really significant, "Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia - even during times of stress and fatigue." The truth is that we should not be running faster than we have strength (Mosiah 4:27)
True, we should be anxiously engaged in good causes (D&C 58:27), but not to the point of fatigue. If we fatigue our bodies, we fatigue our mind and spirit. The three go hand in hand.
Some might think that it is a sacrifice that will be rewarded if they just keep going on the way they are for a period of time and then slow down at a later date. Sacrifice is the giving up of something for something better. The consequences of an unhealthily-busy schedule are not worth the end. It is not a true sacrifice, but a self-pillage of our resources: our time, energy, and capabilities.
This is not to say that we should slow down to the point of idleness. But only until we can substitute out anxiety with enthusiasm. In this life we have assignments. We may be a teacher, mother, father, student, employer, employee. Think about your assignment at this time. " Our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. ..To do less than this will leave you with an empty feeling " (Marjorie Pay Hinckley). Please whatever you are doing in life, do it in wisdom. I know I am trying to do the same. And I am Not Alone. I know that I can turn to my God to direct my path and help me accomplish my goals, for they are His. I hope to accomplish what He would have me. I encourage the same.
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