Sunday Meetings

This Sunday I had the opportunity of teaching Relief Society. I had been working on the lesson for a while and finished the "final draft" this morning. I had thought about it a lot and I seemed to be inspired on some of the thoughts I had. I had prayed about it and hoped that I would say the right things in the right sequence and give the girls the right opportunities to share their testimonies and thoughts, for I know that bearing testimony allows the children of God to be strengthened. i arrived early to set up some things and then I sat down at the piano and played hymns to myself to invite the spirit into my heart. I needed it. It seemed like I was not on the right frequency I'd hoped to be on. I then sat down in my seat when the women started to arrive. I was nervous that I would not teach the way God intended me to. I prayed in my heart some more. When I finally got up, I said the things I had planned to say, somethings the girl's said matched with what I was about to say perfectly. I tried to share what was in my heart, but I was resorting to the lesson plan more than my own feelings.
Then in closing I started to bear my testimony. The lesson had been on sacrament meeting and temples, and I bore my testimony about them, but I tied it all together with Christ and his atonement more than anything. I felt the Spirit come over me (finally) and I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I hardly ever cry. Even when I bear my testimony, so this was slightly out of the ordinary. I felt like my mouth was opened and the blessings of heaven came upon me. I was still scared to be up there and say the wrong things, but as it turns out, the best thing I taught did not really come from me. It was from above.The things I said I want to write down for m own benefit. The words came so easily and smoothly. The words I spoke was what God intended his daughters of my ward to hear. I am so thankful and humbled to be a part of that.
In Sacrament Meeting I was uplifted and spiritually fed as always. The talks were amazing and truly heart felt. We had a rest hymn, though, and it taught me more than any lesson or talk that day. It was "How Great Thou Art". Now this hymn has always been one of m absolute favorites! I have rejoiced in the words many times and praised my Lord and Savior through singing it many times in my heart. Bt this time through I was truly pleading with my God. This time it truly was a prayer (D&C 25:12). Again, the tears came but I kept singing. No one around me even noticed. I imagined "when Christ shall come" and when I would have the opportunity to greet him. No feeling can compare. I don't know if I would be able to withstand his presence the way I am now, but I sure hope I can aspire to that. I know that he is with me daily, for I am Never Alone, but one day I want to be worthy of that infinite blessing.

A Tribute

Last night the women's choir I am in performed in a barbershop festival. There were a lot of different groups: the women's choir, mens choir, and a special guest quartet. The night was very entertaining, full of laughs, and great music. I was thoroughly enjoying myself because I could listen to barbershop all day and I was getting a grade for being there! the guest quartet closed the show. They sang their last pieces and exited the stage. Then they made another entrance. The lead announced that they had performed on our stage 6 years before and that they wanted to pay tribute to the man who had made it all possible. Apparently, his family was invited to be in the audience that night, and were privileged to witness a slide show in honor of his memory. After the slide show, the men's choir, joined by members of a local barbershop group and the guest barbershop quartet, sang a special song directed by one of the departed man's close friends. The piece ended in a huge chord and after the powerful cut off there was silence in the whole hall. That is, except for the director's weeping. He shared the stage with at least fifty other men, but he stood alone, a sole figure on the stage with his face turned from us. From the front row, I could see his hands shake. He then knew he had to give the audience a chance to applaud so, he turned around and stepped into the front row of the men's choir so two boys on either side of him could brace him. He seemed to be a little week in the knees, but his face was full of emotion. A big smile spread across his face.
I was really struck with how genuine this man was on stage! Here he was totally opening his heart to all of us through his passion for music. After being so struck with the magnitude of it all, it was hard to do a second concert with the same kind of happy, playful attitude we had to project for one of our pieces. I didn't even know the director, but my heart went out to him just the same. It just makes me think of how blessed we are to have the gospel in our lives. We have the knowledge of life after death and we know we can be with our loved ones again. We will cherish them the same way we do now. We will be able to hold them in our arms again. We will rejoice in sharing new experiences, and contemplate and grow together. This I am certain of. We will never find ourselves on the other side alone.

Fall by Faith

I was in the temple this week and had some new thoughts. I had been going through a tough time. It seemed like everything was going wrong at the same time. I was having doubts about what would happen to me, what I was going to end up majoring in, how was I going to feed myself, and to top it off I was sick as a dog. I had been shaky for the past couple of days, dry heaved that morning, my head felt like it would split in half, and I knew I had a ridiculously long day ahead of me. ( I didn't get home until 10:15 that night.) I was trying really hard to have a good attitude about my situation and keep moving forward when I had a thought:
Have you ever played trust? Where you fall backwards into someone's outstretched arms? Your play mate knows the outcome because they know they are capable of catching you and their own intent. You just have the struggle of believing that they will honor their word of catching you because you are going against your natural instincts. In a sense you are falling by faith. And once you fall, together you and your play mate lift you back up.
It is the same way with us trusting in God except we know he is much more capable of catching us because he is all knowing and powerful. Sometimes he lets us fall to grow. We have to trust that he will help lift us back up and grow from the experience. It seems so simple, yet we have the hardest time trusting him. We feel the natural force of gravity pulling us down, and we get too close to the floor for our comfort. But we must know that He is there to catch us when we fall. We are very much Never Alone.

Ready, Set, Goat! :)

So, another one of my goals was to go running three times a week. Though, I don't know what times I will have a practice room yet, I still think I figured out what times I can go. Each time I have went I have reached my goal and improved from the last time I went. I even occasionally will have the opportunity to lift weights (just to get really toned. I'm pretty psyched!) At first I listened to music when I went, but now I have a goal to bring flash cards I can go through when I run. It worked out better than I anticipated. Of course, my brain is a lot slower when running, but I remember things so much better afterwords. If I can do it when my brain is dead, I can certainly do well when it is alive. Such is my logic :) I have known how beneficial running is from before my college days, but now I am more grateful for it. It releases good "happy" chemicals into the brain. It is tempting to skip out on running some busy days, but it is actually worth it and saves time. When you are frustrated, your brain has a tendency to be cloudy. When you release that, you are allowing your brain to move more freely and clearly. Anyway, it has been a blessing in my life to attend a university where I have access to a treadmill. And I even get to kill two birds with one stone! Who'da thunk you could exercise and study at the same time? I know I have been given opportunity and I am grateful for that. God knew what he was doing when he sent me here. Just goes to show that we are never alone.

An Opportunity to Stand

So one night I was over at one of my friend's apartment and he had his two room mates over and a friend from his FHE family last semester. We were laughing and having a good time. Then, and I don't know how it came up, his friend started to talk about - and I'll only mention it once- sex pie. (Now my blog is officially rated PG :(...sad...) Apparently this pie tastes really good and is amazingly scrumptious. Ok...so she could have left it at that. But she didn't. She kept naming the pie and watching Thomas's room mate's eyes grow wider and wider (sometimes he can come off as a goody-goody and I think she just enjoyed watching him squirm. She kept on making jokes about it. They weren't crude of anything, just made half the room uncomfortable. Then my friend started to protest in his own little way. He jokingly asked her to look at who was behind her watching her. On the wall he had posted the First Presidency and all twelve apostles. She knew what he was referring to and was like, "ah, shut up so-and-so, you know it isn't a bad word!" She asked him if he skipped "hell" or "damnation" in the Bible because they were bad words. His room mate piped in saying "Yeah, but that is in context-" He was interrupted by the other room mate who had just returned from his mission to Hungary saying, "So-and so, I can't wait till you go to Europe and you see that word posted on all the buildings, and bill boards, and..." I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by Thomas saying, "well, we (referring to himself and I) are from Vegas and so we see it all the time!" Now it was my turn. I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I opened my mouth and it was filled. Some things I said were mine and others were not. I said, "You know, I'm proud that so-and-so and I are not desensitized to that kind of thing. I'm perfectly fine that that makes us uncomfortable. You know, even though it is not a bad word, it gives you an idea (that was were I know the Spirit interceded because I was going to say image, but it bade me say idea). And I am cool with the fact that it makes us uncomfortable." I know I left some things out that I said (I actually think I was repetitive) but those were the things that stood out to me most. I could have said more like, that is a sacred thing that should not be discussed flippantly because it is a gift from God and it is not uplifting to talk about it at this time - especially as a joke. But what I said was perfectly appropriate for the situation and anything more I said would have killed it. Never the less, I was happy to feel the Spirit enter the room and testify. In my own, and very short, way I stood up for what I knew and God was not letting me do it my self. I was not alone. I had Him and my friend. Later my friend thanked me.

Starting Fresh

Ah! A new semester and new roomies! How fun! So much has happened since last semester and definitely since I have written last semester. I must say, I am grateful the New Year came before the semester so I could make some new goals, and so far, I have lived up to them. I am really trying hard to prepare myself for the things of life and the obscure future. I really have no idea what is happening to me, other than God is at the helm. I don't know my bearings or where I am headed, but I know he does. This semester I will have to be better at studying for long periods of time, because I won't have anytime for much else! I'm kinda scared about the whole thing, but I know God has blessed me with a mind that can handle it. One of my professors even told me I could probably test out of her class early and receive an "A". We'll see how that goes.
I am just excited to learn and grow. The spirit on the campus is overwhelming. It is a feeling that is not obtainable anywhere else. It is just different. It is not the kind you can get at the temple or in sacrament meetings, not the kind that you get while visiting church history sites, but it is from the same source. I can feel the blessings from being here. Already my mind has made connections and retained information that I by myself could not have done - have never done before! I am eternally grateful. I know I'm being blessed.
I have also made a goal to serve more than I have in the past. I hope I can get to the point where I don't have a selfish thought in one whole day. I have such a long way to go. Just struggling with a goal like that reminds me how much we need Christ's atonement in our lives. I am eternally indebted to him. Sometimes I half-wish that I wouldn't be blessed for righteous action just so I can catch up, but I know that is not how it works. It can't work like that, or God would cease to be God, our loving, perfect Father in Heaven who will never leave us alone. He will never abandon us. And so we trust in Him. He, the most perfect being, knows what is best for us and will open up opportunities for us. I have seen that and rely on that maybe more than I should. I am continually searching and listening. I've learned that is all I can do at this point in my life. But it is certainly enough! :)

Heart Felt

So, for one of my classes (Diction for Singers) we had to write a paper about the learning model here at the University. Though my paper was probably slightly longer than the professor desired and lengthy to any reader who might read this blog, it was from my heart and I want to share it. Through it I found that writing a paper isn't so bad if you like what you are writing about, and this was something I enjoyed researching. It probably isn't the best written paper in the world, but it was from my heart.

The Learning Model Applied to Diction for Singers
Faith On Our Lord and Savior
The first principle of the Learning Model at BYU-I is exercising faith in Jesus Christ as a principle of action and power. So how do we exercise faith in Christ? We know that without works our faith is dead (James 2:17). In other words, our faith will profit us nothing if we only believe. We must also act. Joseph Smith had faith that his prayer would be answered, but he first had to go to the sacred grove and ask in faith. How did he ask in faith? He asked not which church was right, but which church ought he to join; meaning, he was willing to go beyond merely knowing to doing. From that single act sprouted forth this dispensation in the fullness of times.
“Thus Faith in Christ leads to righteous action, which increases our spiritual capacity and power.” I may have faith that I can do well in the class, Diction for Singers, but it will yield nothing if I do not righteously act. I must still go to class and do the assignments, and actively learn. Only then will my spiritual capacity and power be increased. And may I add my capacity to learn and retain information will be increased if this action is coupled with careful prayer?
“Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace.”
Indeed, if we truly look to Christ for our support, turning our lives to him (for we owe him everything), He can bless us in ways we can only imagine. That is what faith in him is. We must believe that as we put forth effort – do all we can – he will make up the difference. We will make it to the end of this course, as well as our course of mortality. We will be given power through the atonement of Christ, but also because we are agents unto ourselves (D&C 58:28). We should learn to act and not be acted upon.

Learners and Teachers Acting for Themselves
The next topic from the learning model is acting for ourselves and not being acted upon (2 Nephi 2:14). On this earth we are in a probationary state. Being given many opportunities, we choose our own fate. We may choose eternal life, or captivity (2 Nephi 2:27). Essentially we are blessed according to our desires whether it is good or evil (Alma 41:5). The same we can apply to this course. We will be given many assignments and we can choose to do them or we can choose not to do them. With our faith in Christ, we know that by doing them we will be able to grow and succeed, while not doing them will result in our own bondage.
Acting for ourselves and actively learning will allow us more freedom in the end. We will not be in captivity because we will be able to move foreword and progress. In a way we will be given even more opportunity and be given the privilege to choose what we become.

p.s.
I had actually put citations in the footnotes of the paper and bolded some things, but they did not appear in the blog :( Sad...
Anyway, like I said It wasn't the best writing I have done in the world, and Dad will probably scoff at some of my mistakes, but I know the spirit was with me while I wrote it and things worked out in the paper that I hadn't planned. It was more of a testimony builder to me than a grade, and that is just fine with me because that is mostly while I am living where I am. I know I am never alone because I have so much support from at home, and I am truly, truly grateful for that, but I must say, I appreciate my Father In Heaven being there for me more than anything in the world.