My Beautiful College Campus!

I got a call on Monday from one of my good girlfriends saying she would like to take a road trip to our college! Wow! On the one hand I really wanted to see the campus again, catch up with old friends, and have a little adventure to rescue me from the boredom I have been experiencing at home. Don't get me wrong, I have been keeping busy, finding things to read (I am officially in love with lds.org), working on various projects, but I have missed the companionship of really good friends, the spirit that I can feel right when I step onto campus, and oddly, my very hectic life style where I hardly had the time to feed myself. I missed all that because it was so associated with the learning and growth I have had over the past two semesters.
On the other hand, it was really bad timing because it was also one of my other friend's last full weeks at home before he is set apart as a missionary. Lately we had been hanging out and I didn't want to miss my last little bit of time with him. Also, my mother wanted me to go to the cannery :) with her and she wasn't all for the idea of me driving up there by myself and one other "cute" girl.
So it was a hard decision. I talked it over with my soon-to-be-missionary friend (we both had a hard time and I shed a few tears), took a deep breath, and followed my heart. I felt good about the decision, and as it turns out I'm sure my friend was grateful for it later. But I will get to that part. I made arrangements and on Tuesday (with a prayer) we were off!
At first it was great. My friend and I were both excited to be on the road and doing something we had never done before. But I think we were both aware that we had to be safe and responsible drivers (that was one thing I had been initially concerned about with her - not because she was a crazy driver, because I'd seen her drive and she did well, but I knew she likes to speed, but then again, so does my dad). I couldn't believe how much my friend had grown up, though. She had planned for this in like a day, but exceptionally well. We had a cooler for all of our food (since she was on this crazy special diet and I wasn't fond of buying any - me being unemployed and all). We both had maps and housing we wanted to look at. I made arrangements for where we were going to stay, gas was going to be taken care of by her parents. It was awesome. That night we made it to my Grandparent's house. I didn't get to see my grandpa the whole time we were there, because he was asleep when we got there and still sleeping when we left. My grandma spoiled me with pizza and let me look at some pictures. And of course, it wouldn't have been a visit to Grandma's house had she not given me the scoop about everything. :) She informed me about my aunt and cousins and a bit about my own sister. My grandma is "a genius" and always knows what is going on. I love her! It was so kind of her to let us stay there and to wait up for us. I think that is the hardest thing about traveling. She will dote on us and though it is greatly appreciated, I always want to give something in return. Well, the "fee" for our stay was a promise to call her when we arrived to our destination. We got up early the next morning. Grandma came stumbling out of her room saying, "You were serious about waking up in the middle of the night, huh?" I though that was funny and cute. Just like grandma in every way. But I did feel bad about her getting up so early. She again spoiled us with breakfast (she always likes to get cereal she knows the grandkids will like - except this time it was a poached egg, one of her new things to do for us). It was strange to see my grandma see me off (mainly because usually she tells my mom or dad to drive safe-not me), but fun at the same time. Again we said a prayer and then we hit the road. We arrived at our destination in enough time to tour around campus, explore the housing my friend had in mind (the more I went to the different houses and apartments the more I became convinced that I chose the right one for me. I'm excited!), catch a movie, and see friends.
A lot of my friends were gone or were busy preparing for midterms or in rehearsal so, I tried to entertain the friend I traveled up with. She's one of those people who has to have something going on or goes crazy. That seemed to be the case. I was actually content to stay and relax at the girl's apartment we were staying at for the night, but she was going to have steam coming out her ears if we did that. In fact, she was anxious to get on the road again. Which, I admit would have made sense:
1. We would stay at my Grandmother's house that night and then we wouldn't have such a long drive in the morning
2. She didn't know all these people that I was so anxious to see
3. She had accomplished what she had come there to do
4. I had (sort of, briefly) seen the people I wanted to see
So, as you can see, I was quite torn. After all, I didn't want to waste her time. After all, this was her trip and I should be grateful just to be able to have had a free ride up there and back as well as see the friends I love so much, despite how brief it was. And she was having a hard time, though she wouldn't talk to me about it. I could see that she was also very hungry from her crazy diet that mostly consisted of vegetables (not very filling). She needed more substance, but there wasn't much around. Luckily we found some fake meat patties for her that she could eat.
Despite all this, I couldn't bring myself to drive away so soon. I thought maybe I was being selfish, and so I resisted my feelings. I decided to discuss it with my friend. I asked for her to look at it from my point of view. But then I told her that I didn't want to make this experience a bad one. I wanted to talk it out with her. She kind of lost her patience and said it was fine, while clearly meaning it wasn't.
I didn't know how this was going to affect her mood in the morning, but at the same time I was grateful, for what ever reason, I didn't feel comfortable leaving that night.
So, I got to meet up with one of my really good friends who helped me surprise another one of my really good friends in one of the buildings. Then I went up to the beautiful temple that I love so much with him. Then we returned to the girl's apartment I was staying at and then he and I went and got some pizza for all of us. Actually, I should say he got the pizza, because he wouldn't let me pay for it, pointing out that I didn't have a job and he did. When I tried to pay him back later that night he asked if I would really deny him the opportunity to give a gift to his friends. Wow. What a guy! Who does that! He was being so nice, and I wanted to give back in return, but I guess I'll just have to be more clever, because that way was not going to fly.
One of my friends told me I should come to a jazz thing. In fact, I really had no idea what he was talking about, but anything with the word "jazz" sounded great to me. Plus I trusted him and his judgement. He's a good friend and music major like myself. So I was under the impression that it was a concert that he was going to be in, because he had invited me to so many of his concerts before that I was unable to attend for one reason or another (mainly keeping myself alive and eating) so, I felt I should go to finally give him some support. As it turns out, it was like this cute little place, kind of set up like a club, but totally lds. Professors, students from the university and students of the guest players were there. It was really good. Cute idea! My friend was still a little mopey and openly shared her displeasure for being there, but I enjoyed it and hoped she would to. She likes jazz. While I was there I got to see some people I was hoping I would cross paths with while I was there. It was awesome! I was determined to go to bed at a somewhat decent time, so we headed back early. I was then able to talk with my room mates and friend who I hadn't really been able to see for a long time. I was so comfortable at that moment in time. It was a feeling of home that came over me. It was like I was living at school again and everything was right. I was so at peace. But eventually I had to go to bed. I was scared that my friend was going to make me drive all the way home by myself in punishment for keeping her there. So I did. I woke up on time, and had to wake her up, and then we loaded our things and were off.
Well, at first, it was all good. Smooth sailing. But then something strange happened. The light on the clock started to flicker and go out. Then the speedometer went crazy, going back and forth and back and forth. My friend woke up just in time to call her dad about it. The car was still running at that point so I kept going. Then when my friend's father called a little later to see how it was going, I felt the car give out beneath me. I pulled over to hear her saying ,"What are you doing? Get back on the highway!" She hadn't realized what was going on. I had to tell her it died. Well, what followed was a kind of adventure. We gave directions to a tow company and only had to wait a bout a half an hour. While we were waiting a highway patrolman stopped by to see how we were doing. He gave us some common sense directions. It was kind of funny to me actually, though appreciated. Well, then we got towed and the car got fixed up in a jiffy. We actually spent most of our time in the shop waiting for the car part. And before too long we were on the road again! We even got home before dark.
Now, the moral of the story: Had we gone home when it made sense, and I felt pressured to, we probably would have broken down without any hazard lights (because I couldn't get any lights on when the car died and that wouldn't have been all that safe because the car died right on the shoulder, i struggled with the fact that it was so close to the highway and I couldn't move it any further) in the dark. Yep, that's right. Us two "cute" girls would have been waiting for a tow truck in some fairly dim lighting since I estimate, it would have been in the evening that we would have broken down. Who is to say if something bad would have happened. Perhaps it wouldn't have mattered either way. But I'm sure we would have been waiting longer to get the car fixed, and I definitely wouldn't have been as comfortable in the shop that evening as I had been the next day in the afternoon. We were truly blessed the way things turned out. My friend actually turned out to love our college town by the time we left and we both had a pleasant trip back. Our moods were definitely better and our spirits uplifted. We arrived home happy and safe. And I don't believe we did it alone. We were never a lone the whole trip.

Home Again

Well, it is nice to be home again, reunited with loved ones and some old friends (actually most of my old friends are gone or still in school). I have to say, the adjustment has been hard. I was basically going to sin city from my little Zion. Talk about culture shock :) It has been hard to keep myself spiritually fed like I was able to while I was at school. I can't go to a devotional every week, or have a prayer before every class to invite the spirit. Nor are good friends I have had here to help lift me up. I definitely have great things to look foreword to when I return. I do not regret my decision of coming home, though.
Previous to my homecoming I didn't know why I felt my Heavenly Father wanted me to come home. I just felt I should. But as I've been home, though difficult, things have begun to unfold for me. Since I have been home I have been able to attend my sister's graduation and my Great-grandma's funeral. Both were great experiences to see family, to catch up with them, and to see the expressions of love in the family. And though job -hunting has been the biggest pain of my life in this economic crisis, I have the opportunity to be grateful for the few opportunities and skills I have. When I decided to come home I knew it was going to be difficult to find a job in a big city where people with more experience than I have and people with families are losing their jobs and trying to find something to support their family with. Also, it doesn't help that I will return to school where most places want to take the time to train someone who is going to stay around for a while. And I feel I must be honest about that. Before I came I was reading the scriptures and I came across (I believe I was lead to it) 3 Nephi 13:25-34 (also found in Matthew 6):
" 25 And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he looked upon the atwelve whom he had chosen, and said unto them: Remember the words which I have spoken. For behold, ye are they whom I have chosen to bminister unto this people. Therefore I say unto you, ctake no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than draiment?
26 Behold the afowls of the air, for they sow not, neither do they reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the alilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin;
29 And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But aseek ye first the bkingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. aSufficient is the day unto the evil thereof. "
I was so grateful for that! I knew that somehow I would be able to make it. I think my ungrateful heart is just impatient. I have been home a few weeks and I haven't yet found a job tied to any particular company, though I have tried to do something everyday to reach that goal. But on the other hand, I have been blessed with a few opportunities to sustain me and will allow me to make housing payments this summer. I thank my God for the blessings I have been allowed. He truly is merciful and keeps me in mind, even when I am undeserving. I have found, when I am not listening, He will keep trying to reach me because of His grace and because He knows my heart. Truly, because of his miraculous power I am Never Alone and never will be.

Blessed Angels

Angels are among us. Weather they are from the other side of the veil or on our side. They help, they lift, and they bring messages of Christ. I had the honor of experiencing two such angels. At our apartment we have what they call white gloves, which is just basically where we deep clean the whole apartment in preparation of the end of the semester. We have to take over one area of the apartment and clean it and if something isn't done right, we get charged. It is estimated that it takes 8-10 hours. I just didn't have the time.
God knew my needs and during that week two of my friends asked me how I was doing and if they could help me with anything. Of course I told them I was fine and couldn't ask them to do me such a great favor. But during the day, I finally gave in. I was so stressed! But the two friends came and put all they had into it. By the time I had to leave to perform in a concert and meet with my accompanist, there was still some things to do later that night, but a lot had been taken care of. Both of them were willing to stay while I was out. But I wouldn't hear it. I imagined what it would be like to come home and have it all done, and just be able to sleep, but I resisted the temptation. It didn't feel right to me. I would feel guilty until dooms day.
I thought about this experience later. I had really, really appreciated the gesture and valued it very much from both of them. It was touching to see how much I was loved by both of these friends. But even more amazing was that I realized this wasn't out of the ordinary for them. Not to their standards. They both love helping those around them and gladly help those in need. And what were the chances that they would especially be concerned about me at a time I needed them so much. With the help of my Father in Heaven and the help of my friends he has blessed me with, I am truly Never Alone.

Dating Game

The dating game here at college seems to be everyone's main concern/focus at home and among family while I am here at college. As exciting as dating is, it isn't all that it is played up to be. Things are definitely different from High School. You can usually tell if a man is interested in you if they ask you out once and then again the following week or the week after that. Generally, they move fast. It is a difficult situation because you never really know what their intentions are without bringing up the subject strait up, and most of the time you don't want to ruin a friendship over it. One RM asked me out a couple of times then told me that he would like to continue dating me. After I shed some light on how I felt about that, he and I haven't really been in contact since. Only in passing. Sad...
As a woman, it is hard not to see yourself as an object (not a person) of desire after you have been asked out by different boys each weekend within the space of a month. I'm not even that cute! It is like the men are so focused on what they don't have and need before they graduate, that they don't see what is really there. Maybe that is a wee bit harsh...Not all men attending college are like that.
In any case, I have been out on a few this semester and have really enjoyed a date with a pre-missionary almost the most. It was a good date, because I knew where we stood, and it was easier to relax, knowing that he wasn't analyzing everything about me. We both had good attitudes about it, and in realizing that, I may admit that the problem may lie in me. Maybe I just need a better attitude on the subject. Maybe I need to see them for who they are as well: a man striving for the blessings of a temple marriage. A man willing to take risk.
I'll have a whole summer to work on that one. I am returning home within the next month and don't expect to get a lot of action while at home. I didn't go out that often in my hometown when I was attending high school. I have to say, it will almost be a relief.

A Memory of Courage

As conference has been drawing near, we have been hearing about a protest that is supposed to outnumber the number of people going inside the conference building. To me, this is very black and white when thinking about who the two groups represent at this even, though not necessarily on an individual basis. The saints will not be stopped from gathering, and the forces of Satan will do little in stopping the stone cut out of the mountain.
But the upcoming events reminds me of an experience my room mates and I had last semester. We, as a room, decided to take a trip to Salt Lake to see Temple Square. One of our room mates was not a member and I desperately wanted her to feel the same feelings I knew and could bear testimony of while we were there. I had been sitting in on discussions with her and knew that she was really receptive to the spirit. I love her so much and still want her to partake of the blessings and covenants that are hers for the taking.
We reached our destination and quickly realized there was a lot of company we had at temple square. Protesters of Proposition 8 encircled the whole block. We had to park a couple blocks away and before we got out we all agreed we wanted to pray before we got out. One of my room mates was slightly frightened while I was uneasy, but did not fear. I knew if we watched and prayed we would be protected according to God's will. When we reached the block we had to squeeze in-between some protesters to get through, but we made it in. We wanted to watch the Joseph Smith movie, but they had shut most everything down for the nigh because of the protesters outside. So, we decided to take a little walk outside. The protesters were noisy with blow-horns and their shouting, and we found it hard to feel the spirit. But we reached the gates of the temple and began to sing. Our small little voices were a supplication. And I felt the Spirit enter me. I wanted my non-member room mate to have something to remember from this, so I bore my testimony of the temple and the blessings within. You see, a couple of months earlier I had been inside those very gates waiting for my own sister to emerge with a new celestial companion. I knew what could await all four of us.

Toaster Fun

I have to tell about this really random night of fun I had. Well, I was out of food and I needed to go to the store. I had just got out of my practice room and, naturally, it was already dark and so I didn't quite feel like going by myself. So, I walked home just at the other end of campus and started to call everyone (almost) I knew with a car. There was this one guy that I was apprehensive to call. Not that he was a bad person or anything, but because I didn't quite know him all that well. But all my other options were slowly dwindling. So I finally got up the courage. He said he'd be over in a few minutes. I apologized for the inconvenience, if it was at all inconvenient. He assured me it wasn't and we were soon on our way. We went to the store and all things were going well. He even showed me somethings. Then on our way out, we spotted peeps that were selling for really cheep. Must have been in honor of ushering in the Easter Season. He decided he wanted to get some and then we could et them together. Well, we came home and we decided to try to blow them up in the microwave. He was of the opinion that we could try them on different settings, but I thought it really wouldn't make a difference, but I decided to let him have his fun. I saw a girl that lives across the way who sometimes needs some cheering up and asked her if she wanted to join us. She came in, and I think she enjoyed herself. It is hard to tell with her, because she is a shy girl with a low self-esteem. I think she did because what happened next was just silly. He asked for a string. I just knew what was coming, but granted him the string anyway...He tied the string around the peep like a noose and draping the string over a pencil roasted it over the toaster. Not the smartest thing, right? But this I allowed. When the peep swelled and looked like it was about to drop in the toaster if we let it go much longer. So, I said something and he began to take it away from the heat source, but then in doing so, the string cut though the peep and it fell in. Sighing and laughing we quickly unplugged the toaster and tried to scrape out what we could with a fork. It was a mess! But at the same time funny...Then we decided to smoke off the rest of the peep residue. We took the toaster outside and plugged it into the wall. We let it go for a while until we noticed flames! He took it out of the wall, while huffing and puffing. Let me tell ya - it was a sight to behold. And basically that was it. We went back inside and enjoyed more food, and the girl went home. I think she enjoyed the entertainment.

Open Thy Mouth

Last week I didn't go to the temple on the day that I would normally, because my ward was going as a big group later in the week. I had a totally different experience as I went there with a big group then I would have had I gone on my own. Being in a big group they were trying to get everything done as soon as possible before walk-ins began. Also, it was insanely early in the morning! I felt bad when I started to nod off. So, I was absolutely delighted to go during the week on my own. I didn't realize how much I had missed it until I walked inside. Old memories of that very special place flooded back. I was so thankful and astounded at God's mercy. The cares of the world, I literally felt, were lifted off my shoulders. My heart swelled with gratitude. I was ushered in directly, no problems. There aren't that many people there when I have the time to go. Truly, I have been blessed. I saw a girl there that I usually see every week. I finally asked her name and told her I would see her again next week in the locker room. But also in the locker room there was this girl who I was able to talk to. I had sat by her previously and she was baptized right before I was. After I had dried my hair I went to sit in the chapel and I saw her there again! When I had read and pondered more, I walked outside and I saw her sitting on a bench right outside the temple! So, I began to talk to her and found out she lived close to where I did and so we started walking home together. She was talkative and friendly, and it wasn't long until she started to pour out her heart to me. Where else would something like this happen other than where I was? I then remembered something I had learned through various life experiences. If God places you in a place at the right time and wants you to accomplish a work, he most likely will provide the way for you as well as fill you mouth, as long as you are willing to first open it (Moses 6:32). So that is what happened. She started to tell me her situation and I started telling her things I thought would be applicable and useful to her situation. They big things I wanted her to know did not apply to her as much as I thought and the littlest, minute detail that I mentioned in passing meant the world to her. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and thanked me, telling me I was an answer to a prayer. At the time, I wasn't so sure if THAT was true, but I was happy I had helped her. I was truly thankful for the opportunity. She insisted she get my number and name, which I gave willingly, happy to have made a new friend. I knew that had I just been speaking by myself and had I not allowed the spirit to guide me, I would not have been able to share that little detail that made all the difference to her. Just goes to show that we are only Alone when we chose to be, and so long as we are looking for help we will Never be Alone.