The morning of the day my grandmother died, I somehow knew that that day would be the day she would go the way of all the earth. It wasn't a shock, and it didn't turn my world upside down, but it did impact me. I was sad that I had this separation from her. We had known for a while now that she was going to take a journey, and so we were prepared to face that fact. I only regretted that I did not get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked. Though I mentioned her to many of my friends as a great example, I never had myself expressed it to her. I regretted that greatly. I guess I had to try to make up for it by sending her a letter that explained that fact. I was told it didn't reach her in time before she had slipped into a coma. After she had passed on, I wondered what she would think of me, seeing me with a clear mind and eyes. I wondered if she would be proud of me. Would she approve of my choices? Could she know of my life, ambitions, goals? I didn't know. I wondered what she looked like. I hadn't seen very many pictures of her and wondered what her spirit might look like. One night, I was writing about it in my journal. I wrote of how she was a spirited lady in health and how I would have liked to know her during that time in her life. I wrote my concerns. Then I wrote of m admiration of her. I wrote how I was sad she never got o hear me express in life my love of her and appreciation for the way she raised her sons, for the way she handled her illness, her determination. I was sitting on my bed at an angle, and then felt very strongly a presence over my shoulder. I felt she was reading the things I was writing and began to cry. I believe she visited me and now knows in death what I wanted so desperately her to know in life.
The funeral was held in Florida where my grandparents had lived. I was glad to fly out. It was stressful at first, especially since I am a full time student and working hard from day to day just to get everything done as it is. I had to get five days of work into two short days. I was exhausted by the end of it, but God had blessed me with an easy week altogether, making it possible for me to meet the time restraint. I flew out in time to see the viewing. I felt it was a rough decision to fly out that soon, but once I got there I felt I knew why I was compelled to make that choice. Travel for me took over twelve hours. In one airport I actually ran into my uncle on my mom's side who was flying to my hometown so he could fly some more planes. It was fun to see a friendly face in an airport that was foreign to me. There were a ton of missionaries in the airport, clearly going home. They were all at pay phones talking to their parents. I loved the sight of a little army of God. I usually bring a pass along card when I travel, but that day the only one I had wasn't in the best shape. I asked a missionary for a card and ended up giving it to a cute couple that had been married for fifty years. They were a delight to watch because they treated each other like they had just gotten married last week or something.
It was so fun to be with my family again. We had a lot to talk about in the airport and on the trip overall. I loved to see them and extended family I don't get to see very often. My great-grandpa came after he had had a heart attack the week before :-/ But it was very cool to see him. Also, I got to see one of my uncles that I hadn't seen since...? I don't even know..And of course, it is always a pleasure to see my sister and nephew. I love her so much! It was also a pleasure for me to get to know one of my cousins who I had priorly seen only time to time. I had never really talked with her one on one before, but I became so impressed with her! I am used to being the person who helps out around the house, or being the person that one can turn to in a time of need, but I noticed that whenever I went to go do something, she was already on top of it! I did get to help every now and then, but usually she had already done it, or was doing it, so I'd help how I could. I found that we were really similar in character and we looked alike too! crazy! Despite the solemnity of such an occasion, it was also a "jovial" time.
In the whole experience I have come to conclude that I get through funerals ok, but viewings are hard for me. When we entered the funeral home, it took no less than a minute for me to look at my deceased grandmother and begin to sob. I got out of the way so other people could see, but returned to her side and stared down at her. My mom had helped dress her and get her ready for the occasion. I told her I could not believe she did that, or how she could do that. I was not sure I could have. But she put a comforting arm around me and reassured me that she had had her moments as well. Looking at her, I noticed that even in death she was beautiful and elegant. I couldn't help but feel that everything that was happening was appropriate for her. No matter how much pain she was in, she liked to look good in public. It was no different for her in her coffin. I couldn't help but think how awkward I would feel with so many people looking at me or knowing that so many people were looking at me. I'd want to look good for that too. Weird thought. Leave it to me to come up with something like that... But it was very beautiful - that is the point. She looked wonderful, the funeral home looked beautiful, and the flowers were wonderful. It was appropriate for her.
I was just about drained of energy half-way through. I didn't know how my Grandpa was still standing. So firm. He always has been, in my mind, a rock facing any kind of adversity. When it came time to close the casket, a veil was put down to cover her face. I couldn't help but think that a veil is sometimes used in wedding ceremonies, and how her life with grandpa had begun with a veil and ended with a veil covering her. At that point I think I lost it. I cried for my grandpa's sorrow mostly, but I also cried for her sons, and I cried for the separation from her I was personally experiencing (time is so precious!). For some reason after everyone had walked out I was there, sitting with my own grief for company. I didn't feel as if she was there with me as I had before. She was gone doing some greater good I was sure. I wondered out of all the family and people from the community who had attended, why I was the one still sitting in the chapel. Alone. It wasn't like I didn't want to get up. I just simply couldn't. With tissues in hand I waited until I gained control of myself. I knew the people from the funeral home were waiting for me, my family was probably waiting for me too, conversing together in the parking lot. I finally felt peace. I wasn't empty anymore. The spirit was inside me. I walked out and met my family.
The funeral itself was of a lighter mood, at least for me. My sisters and I sang in the church chapel. It was a good program. I loved hearing the comments and how my grandma's children honored her. I was able to be in my grandpa's car as we proceeded to the cemetery. It was a military cemetery and as we drove by there was a group of bikers that had rode in and saluted us. I thought that was pretty cool. The grave site was dedicated and we left. Before we did I took a rose from the top of the floral arrangement on top of the grave. I have since dried it. But before I walked on I went to the head of the coffin kissed my fingers and placed them gently on top of the coffin. It was my own sign of respect and love. I knew we would be reunited one day.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
God's Everlasting Love
The University's Choirs and Orchestra were blessed to participate in an Oratorio this semester with words written by David A. Bednar of the Twelve Apostles.It was an amazing experience for all of us and many of us didn't want the experience to end. I love singing in a combined choirs and full orchestras to begin with, but the whole program was special in a whole new dimension. The man that wrote the music to Elder Bednar's words was so inspired. He wrote the music to imitate a sacrament meeting. There was a prelude and postlude from the orchestra, and an opening and closing prayer given by our conductors at each performance and all fourteen movements were about Christ and his atonement. The whole Oratorio was also a chiasma because it started and ended the same musically as well as in its message. There was a male soloist who was backstage and unseen while he represented God in the piece. He sang about the purpose of the earth being created and essentially about why we were put here. In the last piece we join in as a choir, as sons and daughters, and proclaim that we know our purpose on the earth and through whom it is made possible. The whole experience was so sacred and so well written.
We were blessed to perform it four times. Two times at the university, once in Twin Falls and Once in the Tabernacle on temple square. Each performance was sold out. Temple Square was an amazing experience. When we arrived we were instructed to go and change and then to meet in the "horseshoe" which is a green room or sorts. It was so cool to because it was under the tabernacle and you could see tunnels leading to the conference center and temple and we saw Mormon Tabernacle Storage in that room. We couldn't believe we were in that same room where the MoTab would probably warm up. Well, soon we were wanted on stage. We were being recorded and they wanted us to do the whole thing before we performed that night for editing purposes. It was so cool to watch the cameras and the screen (although I wasn't supposed to, I would look when I knew for certain there wasn't a possibility of me being filmed). It really looked like they were filming the Tabernacle choir and orchestra. The cool part is we get to get a DVD of the performance by the end of the semester. After we ran through it we were invited to eat underneath the conference center. We got to go through the security doors and pass the temple to get there through the tunnels. As we passed the temple we were encouraged to be respectful and reverent. We all were, and I couldn't but help think of the story where President Hinckley, in reverence, took off his hat as he passed under the temple. I wondered if that story took place where we were. The church fed us well in the Conference Center. I think we paid for a bit of it, but I think the portions were generous. Then we had to make our way back to the Tabernacle and we received more instruction and then we found ourselves going out onstage. I knew my grandparents got a hold of tickets and were going to be there in one of the balconies but I wasn't sure. Finally, right before the announcement that began ever performace commenced I found them. They were in the stage left balcony front row! I was so happy to see them and hoped the performance would touch them. I feel as a choir and orchestra, we put everything inot that performance. I was focused on musical skill more than anything that night, I think because I really wanted our DVD's to be good. But I kind of regret that. I'll go into more detail later. After the performance I was pleased to find my grandparents and hear how they had liked the concert. They loved what we had done and I think they understood the message as much as you could hearing it once. We walked around temple square together and took pictures. Finally my grandma I think couldn't take the cold much longer and I boarded the bus to go home.
I think through the whole duration of the trip I ate better than I had living on my own. I just have to say Relief Society sisters are amazing. In Twin Falls before and after our performance we were taken care of the stakes there. They fed us an amazing dinner and still came around with baskets of rolls and cookies while we were seated. There were more than 300 of us and they were so amazing they had fed dished everyone up in 12 minutes flat! And we were pampered even after that with water being poured into our half empty glasses and strawberries someone had thought of giving away. I felt they were being so generous! And then we stayed with host families. The family took us, had a big house and took five us. We were all comfortable and well fed again. Breakfast was amazing, snacks that night were amazing, and the family had a genuine interest in who we were. They found out that we played guitar and when I asked if there was anything we could do for them while we were staying with them they just requested a song. We kind of did an exchange of music. Their daughter played for us and one girl who was with us played Blackbird. I chose to play "Come Thou Fount" and one of my old roommates sung with me, so we harmonized to the music. It was a cool experience because almost immediately I noticed the room flood with the spirit. The family's eyes confirmed that they were touched and they thanked us for the song. It was just another confirmation to me of why I am going into music. I believe it can touch people in ways nothing else can.
During all four of the performances of God's Everlasting Love, I felt very strongly that I wanted the people I was performing for to feel the spirit and the joy of the message we were sharing. In that moment I felt inadequate to share such a special and true message with my own weaknesses. I knew I couldn't sing it perfectly to convey such a perfect message, and I knew the orchestra could not play beautifully enough to convey such a beautiful message. But I realized that our spirits could connect with those of our brothers and sisters to convey our own humble, but strong testimonies. And that is what mattered. All our hours of rehearsing paid off in the moment we touched at least one soul. THat would make it all worth it. But I can guarantee that we touched more than just one soul. Before we left on our tour we were instructed to treat this experience as if we were on a mission. We were representing a church, a school, and He whose name we take upon ourselves. I loved that idea! I tried to take that seriously, and get the most I could from the experience. The last night we sang the Oratorio I gave it everything I could. I put my heart my soul, my testimony, every ounce of musical ability I could into all the movements. By the end of it I was exhausted, but so happy with what we had done. I was emotionally drained for all my crying, but so spiritually full. I only wish I had had that in the tabernacle. But I know that the spirit can come to us in the most unexpected circumstance as long as we are listening and worthy to receive it. All in all, what I came away from it was that music can touch people, and I forever want to be a part in that. My testimony was strengthened and I was filled with gratitude for all that made it possible, especially those saints in Twin Falls who showed us such kindness. For certain you are never alone in the church and in your testimony.
We were blessed to perform it four times. Two times at the university, once in Twin Falls and Once in the Tabernacle on temple square. Each performance was sold out. Temple Square was an amazing experience. When we arrived we were instructed to go and change and then to meet in the "horseshoe" which is a green room or sorts. It was so cool to because it was under the tabernacle and you could see tunnels leading to the conference center and temple and we saw Mormon Tabernacle Storage in that room. We couldn't believe we were in that same room where the MoTab would probably warm up. Well, soon we were wanted on stage. We were being recorded and they wanted us to do the whole thing before we performed that night for editing purposes. It was so cool to watch the cameras and the screen (although I wasn't supposed to, I would look when I knew for certain there wasn't a possibility of me being filmed). It really looked like they were filming the Tabernacle choir and orchestra. The cool part is we get to get a DVD of the performance by the end of the semester. After we ran through it we were invited to eat underneath the conference center. We got to go through the security doors and pass the temple to get there through the tunnels. As we passed the temple we were encouraged to be respectful and reverent. We all were, and I couldn't but help think of the story where President Hinckley, in reverence, took off his hat as he passed under the temple. I wondered if that story took place where we were. The church fed us well in the Conference Center. I think we paid for a bit of it, but I think the portions were generous. Then we had to make our way back to the Tabernacle and we received more instruction and then we found ourselves going out onstage. I knew my grandparents got a hold of tickets and were going to be there in one of the balconies but I wasn't sure. Finally, right before the announcement that began ever performace commenced I found them. They were in the stage left balcony front row! I was so happy to see them and hoped the performance would touch them. I feel as a choir and orchestra, we put everything inot that performance. I was focused on musical skill more than anything that night, I think because I really wanted our DVD's to be good. But I kind of regret that. I'll go into more detail later. After the performance I was pleased to find my grandparents and hear how they had liked the concert. They loved what we had done and I think they understood the message as much as you could hearing it once. We walked around temple square together and took pictures. Finally my grandma I think couldn't take the cold much longer and I boarded the bus to go home.
I think through the whole duration of the trip I ate better than I had living on my own. I just have to say Relief Society sisters are amazing. In Twin Falls before and after our performance we were taken care of the stakes there. They fed us an amazing dinner and still came around with baskets of rolls and cookies while we were seated. There were more than 300 of us and they were so amazing they had fed dished everyone up in 12 minutes flat! And we were pampered even after that with water being poured into our half empty glasses and strawberries someone had thought of giving away. I felt they were being so generous! And then we stayed with host families. The family took us, had a big house and took five us. We were all comfortable and well fed again. Breakfast was amazing, snacks that night were amazing, and the family had a genuine interest in who we were. They found out that we played guitar and when I asked if there was anything we could do for them while we were staying with them they just requested a song. We kind of did an exchange of music. Their daughter played for us and one girl who was with us played Blackbird. I chose to play "Come Thou Fount" and one of my old roommates sung with me, so we harmonized to the music. It was a cool experience because almost immediately I noticed the room flood with the spirit. The family's eyes confirmed that they were touched and they thanked us for the song. It was just another confirmation to me of why I am going into music. I believe it can touch people in ways nothing else can.
During all four of the performances of God's Everlasting Love, I felt very strongly that I wanted the people I was performing for to feel the spirit and the joy of the message we were sharing. In that moment I felt inadequate to share such a special and true message with my own weaknesses. I knew I couldn't sing it perfectly to convey such a perfect message, and I knew the orchestra could not play beautifully enough to convey such a beautiful message. But I realized that our spirits could connect with those of our brothers and sisters to convey our own humble, but strong testimonies. And that is what mattered. All our hours of rehearsing paid off in the moment we touched at least one soul. THat would make it all worth it. But I can guarantee that we touched more than just one soul. Before we left on our tour we were instructed to treat this experience as if we were on a mission. We were representing a church, a school, and He whose name we take upon ourselves. I loved that idea! I tried to take that seriously, and get the most I could from the experience. The last night we sang the Oratorio I gave it everything I could. I put my heart my soul, my testimony, every ounce of musical ability I could into all the movements. By the end of it I was exhausted, but so happy with what we had done. I was emotionally drained for all my crying, but so spiritually full. I only wish I had had that in the tabernacle. But I know that the spirit can come to us in the most unexpected circumstance as long as we are listening and worthy to receive it. All in all, what I came away from it was that music can touch people, and I forever want to be a part in that. My testimony was strengthened and I was filled with gratitude for all that made it possible, especially those saints in Twin Falls who showed us such kindness. For certain you are never alone in the church and in your testimony.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Eating Bread by the Sweat of My Brow
Working about 16 hours a week and being a music major is maybe one of the craziest things I could do. But the job I have has flexible hours, which is really what I need, because I have to take into account performances and rehearsals that come up as well as all of the out-side-of-class work that comes with my particular major. It is thrilling to be so busy and sometimes when I do have down times (never during the week, just weekends) I feel like I'm forgetting something, because it just can't be this easy!
My work is a data collection center centered on market research. I basically get to wear a headset and make a bunch of phone calls and give surveys. It is challenging in that sometimes you have to put up with a bit of abuse. I have had all kinds of experiences. I have had people swear at me, scream at me, and threaten to sue us should we ever call again. Sometime it is almost humorous at how upset someone can get about a simple phone call. But through it you really appreciate those who are kind to you weather they take the survey or not. The kindest person I came in contact with THANKED me for considering their opinion. If they do take the survey, you appreciate them even more for helping your own rating since it is mostly based off of chance.
Psychologically it is hard to process. Studies have shown that if a person does not feel they have much control over their own lives or situation, then they tend to stress. And stress leads to other things. which is a whole other conversation. Secondly, it is easy to get discouraged by a particularly poorly written survey. Not as many people want to take it, and you have to fight for their attention and to keep them on the line. More stress. Thirdly, as mentioned above, you do deal with people who are down right rude to you. Fourthly, (and maybe this one is just for me) you deal with people in different time zones or who are putting children to bed. As an employee you don't get to chose who you call or even which state you are calling, and could feel a little guilt when someone complains that you are calling at an unseemly hour. And lastly, working that job you have to deal with supervisors who encourage you to increase your rating. They have an expectation and it has to be met. As if you had any control over who you call and weather they have any desire to take the survey or not.
That being said, I remember a few things. I remember not to take anything personally, I am just a member of a team working towards a common goal, and I have to play by their rules. I remember that if I were talking to some of these people face to face, maybe they would be more open, but just hearing a voice dehumanizes and estranges me from them. I would probably be a little annoyed by me too. But most importantly, I remember a scripture that really touched me a little over six months ago. It is 3 Nephi 13:25 "And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he looked upon the twelve whom he had chosen, and said unto them: Remember the words which I have spoken. For behold, ye are they whom I have chosen to minister unto this people. Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" The thing is, I don't fear that I will lose my job over a rating. I just know that I do what I can, I try my best and it works out for my good. Ezra Taft Benson once said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." I have faith that God loves me and know I am trying my best. It will all work out. For I know I am Never Alone.
My work is a data collection center centered on market research. I basically get to wear a headset and make a bunch of phone calls and give surveys. It is challenging in that sometimes you have to put up with a bit of abuse. I have had all kinds of experiences. I have had people swear at me, scream at me, and threaten to sue us should we ever call again. Sometime it is almost humorous at how upset someone can get about a simple phone call. But through it you really appreciate those who are kind to you weather they take the survey or not. The kindest person I came in contact with THANKED me for considering their opinion. If they do take the survey, you appreciate them even more for helping your own rating since it is mostly based off of chance.
Psychologically it is hard to process. Studies have shown that if a person does not feel they have much control over their own lives or situation, then they tend to stress. And stress leads to other things. which is a whole other conversation. Secondly, it is easy to get discouraged by a particularly poorly written survey. Not as many people want to take it, and you have to fight for their attention and to keep them on the line. More stress. Thirdly, as mentioned above, you do deal with people who are down right rude to you. Fourthly, (and maybe this one is just for me) you deal with people in different time zones or who are putting children to bed. As an employee you don't get to chose who you call or even which state you are calling, and could feel a little guilt when someone complains that you are calling at an unseemly hour. And lastly, working that job you have to deal with supervisors who encourage you to increase your rating. They have an expectation and it has to be met. As if you had any control over who you call and weather they have any desire to take the survey or not.
That being said, I remember a few things. I remember not to take anything personally, I am just a member of a team working towards a common goal, and I have to play by their rules. I remember that if I were talking to some of these people face to face, maybe they would be more open, but just hearing a voice dehumanizes and estranges me from them. I would probably be a little annoyed by me too. But most importantly, I remember a scripture that really touched me a little over six months ago. It is 3 Nephi 13:25 "And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he looked upon the twelve whom he had chosen, and said unto them: Remember the words which I have spoken. For behold, ye are they whom I have chosen to minister unto this people. Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" The thing is, I don't fear that I will lose my job over a rating. I just know that I do what I can, I try my best and it works out for my good. Ezra Taft Benson once said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." I have faith that God loves me and know I am trying my best. It will all work out. For I know I am Never Alone.
Conference Weekend
Wow how time has flown! Conference weekend I was blessed to be able to spend it with my Grandparents and Uncle. A friend at school was driving down to Salt Lake because he had a mission reunion on the way there. So Friday night before I got to my Grandparent's place I got to go with him. I admit, I was really nervous about it since we didn't have any sort of relationship. I thought it would be awkward since I knew the first thing people were going to assume. And assume they did. I tried to hold my water or apple cider with my left hand, but I guess after people are married they forget to do a ring check. Oh well. It was fun anyways. It was fun to meet new people. I did run into someone I knew very briefly, and it was fun to look at mission pictures.
Eventually I did make it to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Grandma was in the process of remodeling her front room and putting in new carpet in the front room, kitchen, and a few bedrooms. So things were a little askew, but it turned out to be more fun than anything. When I was discussing the trip with her I suggested that I would be able to help her with the transition, but she insisted most of that was already taken care of. I just got to do the fun things with her. I got to go shopping for couches! I got to give my opinion on couches in contrast to a carpet sample we carried around with us and move furniture around to see what would work best in the new arrangement. I never knew it could be that fun! And while she was in a "out with the old and in with the new mood," we decided I could have her ridiculously comfortable rocking chair! She was being very generous I'm sure. It was so funny because it was a last minute decision. So random! But it is a done deal and I am very grateful for that. Also, Grandma and I enjoyed a girl's night out Saturday night at Deseret Book. This is also one of our traditions for General Conference.We stood in line so that we would be one of the first hundred people to go in so we could claim our prize (this time around it was a plaque). Grandma was kind to buy me a book I wanted by Elder Holland (my early Christmas present!) and we waited a little while in hopes that we would win something. And win something we did! Grandma got a picture she thinks she might frame.
And then a trip to Grandma's would not be complete if we didn't stop for Chinese! Mmmmmm....I hope that is a tradition as well.
Grandma was so kind in that she let me go out into the back yard and pick apples and pick out tomatoes! MMMMmmm! Nothing like fresh fruit or veggies from a garden! Can you say scrumptious? And the best thing is I was worried I was going to get scurvy from not getting in my produce. Just kidding, but produce can be so expensive! I was so thankful and I think blessed. Grandma says the apples got just a little bit sweeter since we had a little chill the night before.
Well, Conference was in of itself wonderful as it always is. If you asked me what my favorite talk was, I wouldn't be able to tell you since that is like asking me what my favorite scripture is! But I thought they were all wonderful and I really enjoyed finding themes throughout the whole conference. But I'll get to that in a little bit.
A friend from home drove up also for a mission reunion and got tickets to the Sunday morning session and invited me to go with him. Who can pass that up? It was so cool to get there early because the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was singing the Spoken Word. We got to hear it I think twice as they ran through the pieces at least once before they went on. As a music major it was absolutely fascinating! I was able to hear things with the aural skills I have been developing and I payed closer attention to the conductor's conducting. It was so unique, but I think I was able to understand the reasons behind his style. It was amazing! It was also amazing to see the prophet walk in and every voice be quieted. There was a reverence that followed in the whole Conference Center.
But I have a funny story concerning the friend I was with. So I became increasingly aware that he did have stronger feelings for me then I had anticipated. I mean, I knew he liked me, but as time went on, he would say certain things, and I could just feel apprehension rising within me. I really wanted to avoid him bringing up a DTR or asking how I felt about him. Before I left for school I had thought that I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in a relationship and that I was fine with being "just friends". But some people just are persistent I guess. So I was already freaked out and was doing everything I could to direct attention to where we were going, or the conference itself, or the lovely choir. When we got out of the Conference Center, so far so good. We walked across temple square and I let him escort me. I thought that was only polite and it wouldn't allow him to try to hold my hand or something. So as we were walking towards the parking garage where we were parked he glanced behind his shoulder and and said, "Well, no one is behind us so this is as good a place as any," released his arm from my grip and dropped to one knee. I think I was in shock first and then I was frantic. He grabbed my hand and then said, "I have to tie my shoe." What a tease! I couldn't believe that he had succeeded in pumping so much adrenaline into my system in less than a minute! I think we did share a good laugh from the experience.
Listening to Conference, I couldn't help but notice that a lot of what the speakers were saying seemed directed towards friends I have out on mission. At least in the first two sessions. Usually I find things which seem to be directed towards me personally a lot easier. Like in the Relief Society broadcast. I had felt a lot of the things said did apply to me and my Relief Society President since we were serving in the presidency together. During this one, it seemed to me personally, that a lot of what they were saying were things that I was already working on or had developed my testimony on especially within the past year. After Conference I did make a connection when I was sitting in one of my classes. I noticed a couple of themes and talks that connected with each other. A particular topic I think I felt most strongly about was love. How appropriate for our time! Especially since people have defined our generation as the "me generation". I have always thought of love as the most powerful thing in the universe! I'm going to site a scripture, but I'm going to replace a word with "love". I hope I'm not being blasphemous by doing so, but I feel this is my logic. 2 Nephi 2:13: "And if ye say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness [ or love], there be no happiness. And if there be no [love] or happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." If this word substitution is valid, then without love there is no God, for God is love (please see 1 John 4:7-12). And certainly without love the atonement would not have happened and everything would be lost (Mosiah 16L4). But what about in our own daily lives? Are we utilizing that? And how would we utilize it? While sitting in class a (not the connection because there are so many concerning love) connection came to me. Conference focused on Love, Revelation & The Spirit, and Families (at least that is how I saw it). Now, these are all related and centered around love. Simply stated: Because you sincerely love your family you can receive revelation through the Holy Ghost as to how best to serve them. I believe this is especially true of parents. For one of the fruits of the Spirit is love (Galations 5:22)! Especially in the world we live in where child abuse (verbal or otherwise), neglect and other family issues are so prevalent. If we sincerely love those we associate we can very much serve them in capacities we did not imagine. Our Love can also be measured in sacrifice. M. Russel Ballard once said, "The degree of our love for the Lord, for the gospel, and for our fellowman can be measured by what we are willing to sacrifice for them. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ manifested the supreme example of this love." If we truly recognize the family as "central to the Creator's Plan (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)" and the sanctity of marriage, can it be assumed that we would sacrifice the things of the world to open the windows of heaven to us and our families. Can this love from our hearts be motivation to come unto Christ and allow his spirit to come into our homes? I say yes. I also testify that the commandments from the scriptures and prophets will not be a nuisance. We will find our stony heart will be replaced with a fleshy heart within ourselves (2 Corinthians 3:3). We will find ourselves wanting to be better. We will recognize the blessings of righteous living and thirst after it.
Most importantly, we are not Alone in this quest. We have a Loving Lord and Savior who invites us to come to him continually. He will never forsake us, thus we must "never no never forsake" (Hymn No. 85).
Eventually I did make it to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Grandma was in the process of remodeling her front room and putting in new carpet in the front room, kitchen, and a few bedrooms. So things were a little askew, but it turned out to be more fun than anything. When I was discussing the trip with her I suggested that I would be able to help her with the transition, but she insisted most of that was already taken care of. I just got to do the fun things with her. I got to go shopping for couches! I got to give my opinion on couches in contrast to a carpet sample we carried around with us and move furniture around to see what would work best in the new arrangement. I never knew it could be that fun! And while she was in a "out with the old and in with the new mood," we decided I could have her ridiculously comfortable rocking chair! She was being very generous I'm sure. It was so funny because it was a last minute decision. So random! But it is a done deal and I am very grateful for that. Also, Grandma and I enjoyed a girl's night out Saturday night at Deseret Book. This is also one of our traditions for General Conference.We stood in line so that we would be one of the first hundred people to go in so we could claim our prize (this time around it was a plaque). Grandma was kind to buy me a book I wanted by Elder Holland (my early Christmas present!) and we waited a little while in hopes that we would win something. And win something we did! Grandma got a picture she thinks she might frame.
And then a trip to Grandma's would not be complete if we didn't stop for Chinese! Mmmmmm....I hope that is a tradition as well.
Grandma was so kind in that she let me go out into the back yard and pick apples and pick out tomatoes! MMMMmmm! Nothing like fresh fruit or veggies from a garden! Can you say scrumptious? And the best thing is I was worried I was going to get scurvy from not getting in my produce. Just kidding, but produce can be so expensive! I was so thankful and I think blessed. Grandma says the apples got just a little bit sweeter since we had a little chill the night before.
Well, Conference was in of itself wonderful as it always is. If you asked me what my favorite talk was, I wouldn't be able to tell you since that is like asking me what my favorite scripture is! But I thought they were all wonderful and I really enjoyed finding themes throughout the whole conference. But I'll get to that in a little bit.
A friend from home drove up also for a mission reunion and got tickets to the Sunday morning session and invited me to go with him. Who can pass that up? It was so cool to get there early because the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was singing the Spoken Word. We got to hear it I think twice as they ran through the pieces at least once before they went on. As a music major it was absolutely fascinating! I was able to hear things with the aural skills I have been developing and I payed closer attention to the conductor's conducting. It was so unique, but I think I was able to understand the reasons behind his style. It was amazing! It was also amazing to see the prophet walk in and every voice be quieted. There was a reverence that followed in the whole Conference Center.
But I have a funny story concerning the friend I was with. So I became increasingly aware that he did have stronger feelings for me then I had anticipated. I mean, I knew he liked me, but as time went on, he would say certain things, and I could just feel apprehension rising within me. I really wanted to avoid him bringing up a DTR or asking how I felt about him. Before I left for school I had thought that I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in a relationship and that I was fine with being "just friends". But some people just are persistent I guess. So I was already freaked out and was doing everything I could to direct attention to where we were going, or the conference itself, or the lovely choir. When we got out of the Conference Center, so far so good. We walked across temple square and I let him escort me. I thought that was only polite and it wouldn't allow him to try to hold my hand or something. So as we were walking towards the parking garage where we were parked he glanced behind his shoulder and and said, "Well, no one is behind us so this is as good a place as any," released his arm from my grip and dropped to one knee. I think I was in shock first and then I was frantic. He grabbed my hand and then said, "I have to tie my shoe." What a tease! I couldn't believe that he had succeeded in pumping so much adrenaline into my system in less than a minute! I think we did share a good laugh from the experience.
Listening to Conference, I couldn't help but notice that a lot of what the speakers were saying seemed directed towards friends I have out on mission. At least in the first two sessions. Usually I find things which seem to be directed towards me personally a lot easier. Like in the Relief Society broadcast. I had felt a lot of the things said did apply to me and my Relief Society President since we were serving in the presidency together. During this one, it seemed to me personally, that a lot of what they were saying were things that I was already working on or had developed my testimony on especially within the past year. After Conference I did make a connection when I was sitting in one of my classes. I noticed a couple of themes and talks that connected with each other. A particular topic I think I felt most strongly about was love. How appropriate for our time! Especially since people have defined our generation as the "me generation". I have always thought of love as the most powerful thing in the universe! I'm going to site a scripture, but I'm going to replace a word with "love". I hope I'm not being blasphemous by doing so, but I feel this is my logic. 2 Nephi 2:13: "And if ye say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness [ or love], there be no happiness. And if there be no [love] or happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." If this word substitution is valid, then without love there is no God, for God is love (please see 1 John 4:7-12). And certainly without love the atonement would not have happened and everything would be lost (Mosiah 16L4). But what about in our own daily lives? Are we utilizing that? And how would we utilize it? While sitting in class a (not the connection because there are so many concerning love) connection came to me. Conference focused on Love, Revelation & The Spirit, and Families (at least that is how I saw it). Now, these are all related and centered around love. Simply stated: Because you sincerely love your family you can receive revelation through the Holy Ghost as to how best to serve them. I believe this is especially true of parents. For one of the fruits of the Spirit is love (Galations 5:22)! Especially in the world we live in where child abuse (verbal or otherwise), neglect and other family issues are so prevalent. If we sincerely love those we associate we can very much serve them in capacities we did not imagine. Our Love can also be measured in sacrifice. M. Russel Ballard once said, "The degree of our love for the Lord, for the gospel, and for our fellowman can be measured by what we are willing to sacrifice for them. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ manifested the supreme example of this love." If we truly recognize the family as "central to the Creator's Plan (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)" and the sanctity of marriage, can it be assumed that we would sacrifice the things of the world to open the windows of heaven to us and our families. Can this love from our hearts be motivation to come unto Christ and allow his spirit to come into our homes? I say yes. I also testify that the commandments from the scriptures and prophets will not be a nuisance. We will find our stony heart will be replaced with a fleshy heart within ourselves (2 Corinthians 3:3). We will find ourselves wanting to be better. We will recognize the blessings of righteous living and thirst after it.
Most importantly, we are not Alone in this quest. We have a Loving Lord and Savior who invites us to come to him continually. He will never forsake us, thus we must "never no never forsake" (Hymn No. 85).
Saturday, September 19, 2009
And I Excuse Not Myself
Well, once again I am "High on a Mountain Top!" I love school here, I love the spirit, I love the inspired teachers and faculty members who make this campus part of a "marvelous work and a wonder" (Isaiah 29:14)! Indeed the Lord has blessed me very much this semester. I have very kind, sweet room mates who love the Lord, a job lined up (where it is very hard to find one at all in a college town in this economy), a major nearly in order (I just need to listen to Heavenly Father a little more), and a functioning brain that I credit to more than just my genetic make up. I know I've had some help. Also, something exciting is that my roommate and I have agreed to start a business together! I will send out the blog link out to everyone so they can take a look and hopefully give some feedback :)
This semester is a little different. A lot of friends have left on missions (including my old FHE brothers and friends from back home), some are getting married, and some are just living further away. But I have been excited to meet new people, build relationships upon old acquaintances, and (if I can) perhaps bless their lives.
But in some ways this semester is the same. I have been attending the temple weekly, I made women's choir as a soprano, I get to take lessons from the same women who helped me last semester, and I am in a very good ward. I'll always have a soft spot for my first student ward bishop, but this one is just as considerate and loving. He is convinced he has the best ward in the entire church and loves to serve as if that were the absolute truth! We have a very active ward with activities and friendly people. Lots of hugs to go around (apparently, just like the energizer bunny feeds off of batteries, the ward feeds off of a lot of embraces)! In my ward I have been called as the 2nd councilor to my Relief Society. This has been another thing to strengthen my testimony that all things happen for a reason. We are Never Alone in our decisions! The Relief Society President felt inspired to call me, and as we have sat in meetings together I've felt the decisions we are making are for a reason. I really have felt the Spirit's peace in my heart (Galations 5:22) concerning what we have done. Our Presidency functions with wisdom beyond our own. Our traits are complimentary to each other and we have the same desires (Moses 7:18-19). It is absolutely beautiful!
I am taking a D&C class this semester. We're reading basically cover to cover and as we go, finding insights. Well there was one that I had I could have written a paper on. It started very small, but then expanded: Coming from a big city where most people don't understand your beliefs or share your standards. I have found that I will apologize every once in a while. For example, if I was hanging out with someone wanted to watch a particular movie I didn't agree with, I would say something like, "Sorry, but I don't watch those kinds of movies." In my mind I wasn't apologizing for my standards, but rather for the inconvenience I was causing them. I felt because of me we would have to make adjustments and sometimes that took effort the other person(s) didn't want to take. Also, I was apologizing for any hint of self-righteousness on my part. We live in a world where people feel the Mormons attack their beliefs and their standards, and I didn't want anyone to feel I didn't respect them as a person. As I was reading an assignment, I cam across D&C 1:38. It reads, "What I the Lord have spoken I have spoken, and I excuse not myself..." And it just kind of hit me. I should not apologize for my standards and for not shying away from them. The Lord has spoken and excuses not himself. I follow the Lord and should not apologize for His word. It may be "courteous" or "cordial" to insert a kind word (sorry or pardon) but it is our differences that set us apart as a church. I had to ask myself, "Whose side am I on?" For we cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). One might argue, "Then you must not love me. You cannot accept me as I am." To them I would quote James 2:8-9 : "If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, ye do well: But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors." We cannot, we must not put man above God. He has commanded us to be a "standard for the nations" (D&C 115:5) and we must obey. But we must also remember that standards we hold dear without love will not help us in bringing souls to Christ (D&C 18:16). We also must have love for them. One of the most effective ways to love someone is to pray for them. Prayer itself is very powerful. We pray to "come off conquerer" (D&C10:5), "lest we enter into temptation" (Mark 14:38; se also D&C 46:7) "that our souls may be joyful" (D&C 136:29), and to give thanks (D&C 59:7) among many other things. But I must add that we can pray to love. We can pray for them who despitefully use us (Matthew 5:44), pray for those the missionaries teach as well as the missionaries. Pray for our families and those they com in contact with. Pray for the Prophet and the apostles. We, like Steven (Acts 7:60) and our Ultimate Exemplar (Luke 23:34) can pray that those who wronged us will be forgiven for "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive" (D&C 64:10). If we truly love our brothers and sisters we may become the children of our Father (Matthew 5:45) and will be sealed to Christ (Mosiah 5:15). What a beautiful promise!
Anyway, this is my hope. I hope I can reach this ultimate goal with all my family and loved ones. I hope we can touch others with love, but firmly sharing the gospel's precious truths. So many have died for it. Why can't I sacrifice my own pride or image for just a brief moment for it? I know as we will do this we will be blessed and we will be able to make a difference.
This semester is a little different. A lot of friends have left on missions (including my old FHE brothers and friends from back home), some are getting married, and some are just living further away. But I have been excited to meet new people, build relationships upon old acquaintances, and (if I can) perhaps bless their lives.
But in some ways this semester is the same. I have been attending the temple weekly, I made women's choir as a soprano, I get to take lessons from the same women who helped me last semester, and I am in a very good ward. I'll always have a soft spot for my first student ward bishop, but this one is just as considerate and loving. He is convinced he has the best ward in the entire church and loves to serve as if that were the absolute truth! We have a very active ward with activities and friendly people. Lots of hugs to go around (apparently, just like the energizer bunny feeds off of batteries, the ward feeds off of a lot of embraces)! In my ward I have been called as the 2nd councilor to my Relief Society. This has been another thing to strengthen my testimony that all things happen for a reason. We are Never Alone in our decisions! The Relief Society President felt inspired to call me, and as we have sat in meetings together I've felt the decisions we are making are for a reason. I really have felt the Spirit's peace in my heart (Galations 5:22) concerning what we have done. Our Presidency functions with wisdom beyond our own. Our traits are complimentary to each other and we have the same desires (Moses 7:18-19). It is absolutely beautiful!
I am taking a D&C class this semester. We're reading basically cover to cover and as we go, finding insights. Well there was one that I had I could have written a paper on. It started very small, but then expanded: Coming from a big city where most people don't understand your beliefs or share your standards. I have found that I will apologize every once in a while. For example, if I was hanging out with someone wanted to watch a particular movie I didn't agree with, I would say something like, "Sorry, but I don't watch those kinds of movies." In my mind I wasn't apologizing for my standards, but rather for the inconvenience I was causing them. I felt because of me we would have to make adjustments and sometimes that took effort the other person(s) didn't want to take. Also, I was apologizing for any hint of self-righteousness on my part. We live in a world where people feel the Mormons attack their beliefs and their standards, and I didn't want anyone to feel I didn't respect them as a person. As I was reading an assignment, I cam across D&C 1:38. It reads, "What I the Lord have spoken I have spoken, and I excuse not myself..." And it just kind of hit me. I should not apologize for my standards and for not shying away from them. The Lord has spoken and excuses not himself. I follow the Lord and should not apologize for His word. It may be "courteous" or "cordial" to insert a kind word (sorry or pardon) but it is our differences that set us apart as a church. I had to ask myself, "Whose side am I on?" For we cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). One might argue, "Then you must not love me. You cannot accept me as I am." To them I would quote James 2:8-9 : "If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, ye do well: But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors." We cannot, we must not put man above God. He has commanded us to be a "standard for the nations" (D&C 115:5) and we must obey. But we must also remember that standards we hold dear without love will not help us in bringing souls to Christ (D&C 18:16). We also must have love for them. One of the most effective ways to love someone is to pray for them. Prayer itself is very powerful. We pray to "come off conquerer" (D&C10:5), "lest we enter into temptation" (Mark 14:38; se also D&C 46:7) "that our souls may be joyful" (D&C 136:29), and to give thanks (D&C 59:7) among many other things. But I must add that we can pray to love. We can pray for them who despitefully use us (Matthew 5:44), pray for those the missionaries teach as well as the missionaries. Pray for our families and those they com in contact with. Pray for the Prophet and the apostles. We, like Steven (Acts 7:60) and our Ultimate Exemplar (Luke 23:34) can pray that those who wronged us will be forgiven for "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive" (D&C 64:10). If we truly love our brothers and sisters we may become the children of our Father (Matthew 5:45) and will be sealed to Christ (Mosiah 5:15). What a beautiful promise!
Anyway, this is my hope. I hope I can reach this ultimate goal with all my family and loved ones. I hope we can touch others with love, but firmly sharing the gospel's precious truths. So many have died for it. Why can't I sacrifice my own pride or image for just a brief moment for it? I know as we will do this we will be blessed and we will be able to make a difference.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Family Fun from Florida
What an amazing summer this has turned out to be. In honor of the arrival of my nephew, my whole family managed to make it out to Florida for the birth and blessing of the baby. My mother and I flew out first leaving my sister and father. We had a layover, but when we were making the first flight out, we were able to give out a pass along card. I was so excited because I usually try to look for opportunity to share the gospel when I travel, but since I mostly fly out to my college town and back, there isn't much opportunity. I think in the last four times I have traveled out there I have been sitting right next to someone of my own faith. Our second flight, we didn't get to share a message of any kind but was pleasant still. We arrived late and we were picked up by my brother-in-law's brother. He was very kind and I was impressed with his seemingly genuine interest in us. As it turns out, over the next three weeks we really learned that his heart is absolutely golden and he is an exceptional young man.
My sister and her husband were living with his parents for the time being, so it was very generous of them to take us in for such an extended period of time (especially since their son gave up his room for us). We were very grateful to them. And what a beautiful home they had! I was amazed at the beauty of it, and how they had put a lot of hours and craftsmanship in themselves. They also had the most beautiful sounding piano. I was absolutely in love with it! Outside they had chickens, cows, ducks, goats, dogs, and geese. They had just about everything a child could want: trampoline, pond (complete with a canoe and oars), and space to run around. It was really beautiful. I think my mom and I were more anxious about the bugs and things outside than anything, but my sister and I did manage to try out the canoe for a little time while we were there.
While we were there we had fresh eggs and fruits and vegetables all the time. But I think the thing that was most pleasurable was my sister's mother-in-law's cooking. It was delicious! And she didn't mind sharing what she knew, she just moved super super fast, so we didn't always catch what she was doing. While there, we did learn a few tricks, but more importantly, we learned to be more provident livers and I was inspired and came up with a few ideas of my own for when I return to school.
Some of the exciting events we were there for was my sister's baby shower that was put together by some of the ladies in her ward, doctor appointments (including NSTs), shopping in preparation for the baby, exercising with my sister, attending the temple twice, church on Sundays, the baby's blessing, and cooking and cleaning together as a family. All of the above I feel was great for my learning and growth, though I was supposed to be the one helping out. I became more aware of things that go on when a woman is expecting, and I became more aware of the steps one might take to buy a car, or get a house, you know, basic life stuff I wasn't familiar with. It was an eye opener and I was glad that I won't be completely lost when I get to do those things. I also think I began to appreciate and love my brother-in-law more than I had before. He really became like a brother to me. I don't know if he liked getting to know me more, but I sure enjoyed the experience. I understood to a greater extent the love he has for my sister and the capability of him to take care of her. Not only in just the way a husband should put on the role of provider and protector, but he is an emotional support that I could never be for her. Even growing up, I thought she was the closest person to me, and I knew how to say the right things, but I could/can never do for her what her husband did/does. He also became one of my heros. I have really come to admire him and his patience, love, and work ethic.
I think the two events that were most important to me was when I got to visit my grandparents and (of course) the birth of my nephew. My mom decided we would go visit my grandparents while they were so close, and since we didn't think the baby was going to come anytime soon. So we made arrangements to meet my grandpa at the temple and then he would drive us to his place so we could be with him and grandma. It was so sweet to be in the temple again, but it was even better to see my grandpa there. He was very helpful and considerate of everyone there. I reflected on how he and his family (including my father) were converts to the church. I know my Dad didn't grow up in the gospel and joined later in life, but at that moment I was so happy my grandpa did join the church. I have seen how the light of Christ can shine through someone, and that day it did light up my family's faces even more noticeably. And to me, that was the most beautiful thing of all. I can't wait until we reach the other side and we will all shine like that-with the pure joy on our faces that only can reach us through Christ. There weren't very many names that we got to do, but I didn't mind. To me it was worth it. After all we need the people on the other side like they need us. After we were done, we got to go home with grandpa.
We stayed with them a couple of days. Grandma seemed to find the energy be with us like she always does when we come. It amazes me to this day that she can be so ill, yet somehow pull strength out of thin air when family comes to visit. I'm glad we can give her that bit of joy in her life, where she may feel so secluded from the world. I think though, that was so special about this visit, was that I got to learn things about my grandparents that I didn't before know about. It made me even more proud to be part of the (insert my last name) family. I don't get to see my Dad's side very often, and sometimes feel like a part of my heritage or identity is missing from me. I sometimes feel like I'm missing an important connection. But being there with them was very pleasant and I know time I will treasure. I noticed a noble character in my grandparents I hope/wish I inherited.
We left there all too soon, but with my Grandpa's car. The fact that he let us drive his car around for a while, was a blessing from heaven. We gave my sister and her husband the mobility and freedom they had been craving for weeks. Instead of having to run plans through his parents first before any sort of outing could be executed, we were able to travel to enrichment activities, her ward activities, the hospital, the store, the post office, just everywhere! It was such a blessing to us. I really can't thank my grandpa enough for his generosity.
My sister decided it was best to be induced on such and such a date. So we drove her there and the doctor treated her, and left her to "marinate" during the night. I remember i did not want to leave the two of them in the hospital all night. I was afraid we were going to miss the time where she would need us, like if she was in pain or if she needed me to do some obscure thing that might ease her pain in the slightest. But I thought about it a little more in the hospital and realized, though I probably wouldn't sleep much, I could use rest for the birth that could potentially happen the next day and so could she. Also, I realized her husband was there with her, and might need the time with her. We had been in their lives for so long and I know, that not every brother/son-in-law would appreciate having his in-laws in for such a long period of time. It was time we gave them room and this time to themselves. I felt very strong impression about that, but still shed a little tear of my own as I walked out into the hall. I love my sister so much. I always have cared for her more intensely than almost anyone else I know.
The next day was the day! She dilated pretty rapidly during the night and when we got there was just about ready to start pushing. I kept keeping an eye on the monitor and watched for contractions. I also wanted to make sure the baby's heart beat was doing well. Not that I could do anything about it if something went wrong, but I just had to know! Well, witnessing labor for the first time, was quite the experience. I was almost surprised at how many people my sister wanted to share in this experience. In the room we had all the women from both sides of the family, and her husband. The doctor had a great bedside manner. He was patient, and encouraging. My sister had to push for a while. It took a while for the baby to crown, but after that, things went quicker. My sister was feeling pain on her left side, which helped because she could feel contractions, but made both of us cry. When she cried out I cried with her, I couldn't help it. I was good, though because I was able to control myself and keep a cool head. We gave her encouraging words and did what we could. Mom held her head up during contractions (so she would kind of curl her body) at the doctor's suggestion, the nurse and husband were down further down the bed supporting her, and I was at her head giving her the oxygen mask in between contractions and wiping her brow. I also did whatever the doctor and nurse told me to do. The nurse later thanked me for assisting (though you could hardly call it that). I thought that was nice of her to say since, I really didn't do much, but was more grateful to be doing SOMETHING! In a very bizarre way I felt we were all putting in a joint effort to have this baby! We as a family came together and did what we could to make this process as painless and as smooth as possible. The instant the baby was out he was beautiful. Absolutely. A precious, beautiful miracle. In that moment, the thought that came to mind was that this was completely worth it. I don't think I even know how much money I could have made while being in Florida for three weeks, what experiences I would have had, what friends I would have made, but this moment was all worth it. It was worth our sweat, our time, our flight, everything. My sister somehow appreciated us all there and the support that we gave. Bearing the first nephew, grandchild, great-grandchild, might not be so easy, since he is such a big deal to everyone in the family. But she did it, and willingly shared it with us.
I know and understand why my mother was there. She played a big role in being a new grandmother, answering questions, and giving assurance. But me? Why was I there? Was I there for me or for her? Was I selfish or was I really trying to give all I could? I think maybe both. But in any case, I was grateful beyond measure to witness such a precious occasion and meet my nephew, though I feel we met before. So maybe I should say, "greet" my newborn nephew.
The blessing of the baby was a special experience as well. My uncle and grandpa came down, and by that time, my Dad had arrived as well as my other sister. It was so cool to be together as a family. I only wish it could have lasted even longer. Again, my Dad's side of the family impressed me. I always love to see that particular uncle. You know when he is around you can always count on a good laugh and happy spirit. In the testimony meeting he bore his testimony and expressed his love to us girls. He almost made me tear up! The baby's blessing was on the noisy side, but didn't lack in the priesthood authority we are so grateful for and which made the occasion so sacred.
I think through this experience, I learned in some greater way, the meaning of love. Love runs much deeper than the expression of it. It can be so much more. It is the little things that most people won't notice, nor appreciate, but make all the difference. It is allowing someone to serve you occasionally (even when it makes you uncomfortable or you feel you should be serving them), because you know they want to and it contributes to their own well-being and growth. Love is never giving up and pressing foreword. Love is having a cheerful disposition and attitude, even when your world seems to be in peril. Love is eternal. Love has no limit and never will. While in Florida, I made many sacrifices, not many which are apparent, but I did learn a thing or two about how my heart can (and I hope will continue to) grow bigger, and I gained a testimony of God's love for me, for my family, for my little precious nephew. Sometimes we go through trial and tribulation, but that is all part of a love that is so perfect, we cannot understand it nor it's infinite nature. But we know because of the love from our families and our Heavenly Father we will not be alone, we will not be forgotten. We may not realize it while we go through some tough times, but those may be times that are most precious in the end. They may be gifts (3 Nephi 14:11). Like learning how to love even more that I knew how.
My sister and her husband were living with his parents for the time being, so it was very generous of them to take us in for such an extended period of time (especially since their son gave up his room for us). We were very grateful to them. And what a beautiful home they had! I was amazed at the beauty of it, and how they had put a lot of hours and craftsmanship in themselves. They also had the most beautiful sounding piano. I was absolutely in love with it! Outside they had chickens, cows, ducks, goats, dogs, and geese. They had just about everything a child could want: trampoline, pond (complete with a canoe and oars), and space to run around. It was really beautiful. I think my mom and I were more anxious about the bugs and things outside than anything, but my sister and I did manage to try out the canoe for a little time while we were there.
While we were there we had fresh eggs and fruits and vegetables all the time. But I think the thing that was most pleasurable was my sister's mother-in-law's cooking. It was delicious! And she didn't mind sharing what she knew, she just moved super super fast, so we didn't always catch what she was doing. While there, we did learn a few tricks, but more importantly, we learned to be more provident livers and I was inspired and came up with a few ideas of my own for when I return to school.
Some of the exciting events we were there for was my sister's baby shower that was put together by some of the ladies in her ward, doctor appointments (including NSTs), shopping in preparation for the baby, exercising with my sister, attending the temple twice, church on Sundays, the baby's blessing, and cooking and cleaning together as a family. All of the above I feel was great for my learning and growth, though I was supposed to be the one helping out. I became more aware of things that go on when a woman is expecting, and I became more aware of the steps one might take to buy a car, or get a house, you know, basic life stuff I wasn't familiar with. It was an eye opener and I was glad that I won't be completely lost when I get to do those things. I also think I began to appreciate and love my brother-in-law more than I had before. He really became like a brother to me. I don't know if he liked getting to know me more, but I sure enjoyed the experience. I understood to a greater extent the love he has for my sister and the capability of him to take care of her. Not only in just the way a husband should put on the role of provider and protector, but he is an emotional support that I could never be for her. Even growing up, I thought she was the closest person to me, and I knew how to say the right things, but I could/can never do for her what her husband did/does. He also became one of my heros. I have really come to admire him and his patience, love, and work ethic.
I think the two events that were most important to me was when I got to visit my grandparents and (of course) the birth of my nephew. My mom decided we would go visit my grandparents while they were so close, and since we didn't think the baby was going to come anytime soon. So we made arrangements to meet my grandpa at the temple and then he would drive us to his place so we could be with him and grandma. It was so sweet to be in the temple again, but it was even better to see my grandpa there. He was very helpful and considerate of everyone there. I reflected on how he and his family (including my father) were converts to the church. I know my Dad didn't grow up in the gospel and joined later in life, but at that moment I was so happy my grandpa did join the church. I have seen how the light of Christ can shine through someone, and that day it did light up my family's faces even more noticeably. And to me, that was the most beautiful thing of all. I can't wait until we reach the other side and we will all shine like that-with the pure joy on our faces that only can reach us through Christ. There weren't very many names that we got to do, but I didn't mind. To me it was worth it. After all we need the people on the other side like they need us. After we were done, we got to go home with grandpa.
We stayed with them a couple of days. Grandma seemed to find the energy be with us like she always does when we come. It amazes me to this day that she can be so ill, yet somehow pull strength out of thin air when family comes to visit. I'm glad we can give her that bit of joy in her life, where she may feel so secluded from the world. I think though, that was so special about this visit, was that I got to learn things about my grandparents that I didn't before know about. It made me even more proud to be part of the (insert my last name) family. I don't get to see my Dad's side very often, and sometimes feel like a part of my heritage or identity is missing from me. I sometimes feel like I'm missing an important connection. But being there with them was very pleasant and I know time I will treasure. I noticed a noble character in my grandparents I hope/wish I inherited.
We left there all too soon, but with my Grandpa's car. The fact that he let us drive his car around for a while, was a blessing from heaven. We gave my sister and her husband the mobility and freedom they had been craving for weeks. Instead of having to run plans through his parents first before any sort of outing could be executed, we were able to travel to enrichment activities, her ward activities, the hospital, the store, the post office, just everywhere! It was such a blessing to us. I really can't thank my grandpa enough for his generosity.
My sister decided it was best to be induced on such and such a date. So we drove her there and the doctor treated her, and left her to "marinate" during the night. I remember i did not want to leave the two of them in the hospital all night. I was afraid we were going to miss the time where she would need us, like if she was in pain or if she needed me to do some obscure thing that might ease her pain in the slightest. But I thought about it a little more in the hospital and realized, though I probably wouldn't sleep much, I could use rest for the birth that could potentially happen the next day and so could she. Also, I realized her husband was there with her, and might need the time with her. We had been in their lives for so long and I know, that not every brother/son-in-law would appreciate having his in-laws in for such a long period of time. It was time we gave them room and this time to themselves. I felt very strong impression about that, but still shed a little tear of my own as I walked out into the hall. I love my sister so much. I always have cared for her more intensely than almost anyone else I know.
The next day was the day! She dilated pretty rapidly during the night and when we got there was just about ready to start pushing. I kept keeping an eye on the monitor and watched for contractions. I also wanted to make sure the baby's heart beat was doing well. Not that I could do anything about it if something went wrong, but I just had to know! Well, witnessing labor for the first time, was quite the experience. I was almost surprised at how many people my sister wanted to share in this experience. In the room we had all the women from both sides of the family, and her husband. The doctor had a great bedside manner. He was patient, and encouraging. My sister had to push for a while. It took a while for the baby to crown, but after that, things went quicker. My sister was feeling pain on her left side, which helped because she could feel contractions, but made both of us cry. When she cried out I cried with her, I couldn't help it. I was good, though because I was able to control myself and keep a cool head. We gave her encouraging words and did what we could. Mom held her head up during contractions (so she would kind of curl her body) at the doctor's suggestion, the nurse and husband were down further down the bed supporting her, and I was at her head giving her the oxygen mask in between contractions and wiping her brow. I also did whatever the doctor and nurse told me to do. The nurse later thanked me for assisting (though you could hardly call it that). I thought that was nice of her to say since, I really didn't do much, but was more grateful to be doing SOMETHING! In a very bizarre way I felt we were all putting in a joint effort to have this baby! We as a family came together and did what we could to make this process as painless and as smooth as possible. The instant the baby was out he was beautiful. Absolutely. A precious, beautiful miracle. In that moment, the thought that came to mind was that this was completely worth it. I don't think I even know how much money I could have made while being in Florida for three weeks, what experiences I would have had, what friends I would have made, but this moment was all worth it. It was worth our sweat, our time, our flight, everything. My sister somehow appreciated us all there and the support that we gave. Bearing the first nephew, grandchild, great-grandchild, might not be so easy, since he is such a big deal to everyone in the family. But she did it, and willingly shared it with us.
I know and understand why my mother was there. She played a big role in being a new grandmother, answering questions, and giving assurance. But me? Why was I there? Was I there for me or for her? Was I selfish or was I really trying to give all I could? I think maybe both. But in any case, I was grateful beyond measure to witness such a precious occasion and meet my nephew, though I feel we met before. So maybe I should say, "greet" my newborn nephew.
The blessing of the baby was a special experience as well. My uncle and grandpa came down, and by that time, my Dad had arrived as well as my other sister. It was so cool to be together as a family. I only wish it could have lasted even longer. Again, my Dad's side of the family impressed me. I always love to see that particular uncle. You know when he is around you can always count on a good laugh and happy spirit. In the testimony meeting he bore his testimony and expressed his love to us girls. He almost made me tear up! The baby's blessing was on the noisy side, but didn't lack in the priesthood authority we are so grateful for and which made the occasion so sacred.
I think through this experience, I learned in some greater way, the meaning of love. Love runs much deeper than the expression of it. It can be so much more. It is the little things that most people won't notice, nor appreciate, but make all the difference. It is allowing someone to serve you occasionally (even when it makes you uncomfortable or you feel you should be serving them), because you know they want to and it contributes to their own well-being and growth. Love is never giving up and pressing foreword. Love is having a cheerful disposition and attitude, even when your world seems to be in peril. Love is eternal. Love has no limit and never will. While in Florida, I made many sacrifices, not many which are apparent, but I did learn a thing or two about how my heart can (and I hope will continue to) grow bigger, and I gained a testimony of God's love for me, for my family, for my little precious nephew. Sometimes we go through trial and tribulation, but that is all part of a love that is so perfect, we cannot understand it nor it's infinite nature. But we know because of the love from our families and our Heavenly Father we will not be alone, we will not be forgotten. We may not realize it while we go through some tough times, but those may be times that are most precious in the end. They may be gifts (3 Nephi 14:11). Like learning how to love even more that I knew how.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Enter in by the Gate
When my old roommate from my first semester at school called me to tell me that she was getting baptized I was completely overjoyed! I couldn’t even stand it! My heart was so full. And to me, it was out of the blue. I had worked with her and loved her so much during my first semester. I sat in on discussions with her; I had had many talks with her over lunch. I had let the Holy Spirit guide my thoughts and words (and that was later confirmed to me because it seemed like everything I told her was reiterated in blessings or discussions the missionaries would give). There was a point towards the end of the semester where I felt I had done my work with her. The rest was left up to her. I think I might have mentioned that to her. I believed she would be baptized one day, I just didn’t know when. I told her to take her time, because then it would be even more of a beautiful experience than if she didn’t wait until she was ready. I told her it would be a beautiful experience, and she would want it to be the best she could make it.
I knew I would like to attend the baptism, but I wasn't sure if I could. There wasn't anyone I knew of, that was going to make a trip to my college campus, and the car I drive is very old and the gas prices would amount to more than a plane ticket. So I opted to buy the ticket. It was s huge sacrifice oh my part. Not that it would be much of a sacrifice to someone else, but for a poor college student, it was a huge step. But the day I called my old roommate was the day I knew it was a good decision. I spoke with her and told her I was coming, and she expressed such gratitude and appreciation. Then I asked her about her decision and she testified very strongly about the gospel. I think I got an inkling of what it meant in D&C 18 where is says how great our joy will be if we bring one soul to Christ. It wasn't so much because of what I had done (for I merely listened to what God wanted me to say), but it was the joy of seeing her take that step. She was entering the waters of baptism! I felt like the people in Mosiah 18:11 and wanted to clap my hands with the excitement I was feeling. I was overjoyed.
Her baptism was perhaps the most beautiful I had ever witnessed. She was so beautiful! I know from when I was living with her that she just shined with the light of Christ, even before becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now that she has the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the conviction of the Spirit, I see her with a light unlike I had ever seen with her before. Truly, there has been a "change [of] heart (Alma 5:14)” and she has become “a new creature (2 Corinthians 5:17)”. She even told us of how before she joined the church she would feel the spirit around certain people as long as they were with her, but when they were not, the spirit would leave (except in those special instances the spirit would touch her to testify of truth). She says it was not with her, but fleeting. How amazing she was to recognize that.
Her baptism was not only a blessing to herself, but also a blessing to many others. Here was a grown woman who was discovering truths I had known as a child, and forgotten or taken for granted. I do remember as a child, before my baptism I had so desperately wanted the spirit with me continually as well. And I did feel the change. But she has realized so many other things. She is discovering sanctification. She is discovering truth and the restoration. She is getting so much more out of it; more than I could have imagined at age 8. At that age, I was aware of what I was doing, it felt right, and I did have my little testimony in my own way, but it was a simple understanding. My roommate has searched it out and gained a better understanding. She is really wise!
Her baptism also gave us opportunity to testify. I was asked to speak on baptism. I did get choked up, though I was told it just looked like I got really nervous all of a sudden and it looked like I was freaking out instead of being touched. Oh well. I knew what I felt and I think my roommate knew me well enough to know that I was caught up in the moment. Also, two bishops (her ward and our old bishop) welcomed her into the ward. Both talks were great, and the spirit was strong. Afterwards I went up to the Bishop I had and thanked him for his message that day. He thanked me also, and then pulled me into a big hug. I don’t think that my bishop before that moment had ever hugged me. I was stunned. But then he told me it was good people like me that made this happen. I said yes, many good people. Because during that trip, I began to see how I had impacted my roommates’ lives. They didn’t see it or recognize it (I think that is the beauty of it, because my example had just become a part of them). I was just a piece to a big puzzle in God’s hands, interwoven into a beautiful tapestry of grace, beauty and love. God does love his children and answers to their needs. I have been part and recipient of that in my life. We are all a part in uplifting and edifying each other, for we are Never Alone. And I will always thank my God for that.
I knew I would like to attend the baptism, but I wasn't sure if I could. There wasn't anyone I knew of, that was going to make a trip to my college campus, and the car I drive is very old and the gas prices would amount to more than a plane ticket. So I opted to buy the ticket. It was s huge sacrifice oh my part. Not that it would be much of a sacrifice to someone else, but for a poor college student, it was a huge step. But the day I called my old roommate was the day I knew it was a good decision. I spoke with her and told her I was coming, and she expressed such gratitude and appreciation. Then I asked her about her decision and she testified very strongly about the gospel. I think I got an inkling of what it meant in D&C 18 where is says how great our joy will be if we bring one soul to Christ. It wasn't so much because of what I had done (for I merely listened to what God wanted me to say), but it was the joy of seeing her take that step. She was entering the waters of baptism! I felt like the people in Mosiah 18:11 and wanted to clap my hands with the excitement I was feeling. I was overjoyed.
Her baptism was perhaps the most beautiful I had ever witnessed. She was so beautiful! I know from when I was living with her that she just shined with the light of Christ, even before becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now that she has the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the conviction of the Spirit, I see her with a light unlike I had ever seen with her before. Truly, there has been a "change [of] heart (Alma 5:14)” and she has become “a new creature (2 Corinthians 5:17)”. She even told us of how before she joined the church she would feel the spirit around certain people as long as they were with her, but when they were not, the spirit would leave (except in those special instances the spirit would touch her to testify of truth). She says it was not with her, but fleeting. How amazing she was to recognize that.
Her baptism was not only a blessing to herself, but also a blessing to many others. Here was a grown woman who was discovering truths I had known as a child, and forgotten or taken for granted. I do remember as a child, before my baptism I had so desperately wanted the spirit with me continually as well. And I did feel the change. But she has realized so many other things. She is discovering sanctification. She is discovering truth and the restoration. She is getting so much more out of it; more than I could have imagined at age 8. At that age, I was aware of what I was doing, it felt right, and I did have my little testimony in my own way, but it was a simple understanding. My roommate has searched it out and gained a better understanding. She is really wise!
Her baptism also gave us opportunity to testify. I was asked to speak on baptism. I did get choked up, though I was told it just looked like I got really nervous all of a sudden and it looked like I was freaking out instead of being touched. Oh well. I knew what I felt and I think my roommate knew me well enough to know that I was caught up in the moment. Also, two bishops (her ward and our old bishop) welcomed her into the ward. Both talks were great, and the spirit was strong. Afterwards I went up to the Bishop I had and thanked him for his message that day. He thanked me also, and then pulled me into a big hug. I don’t think that my bishop before that moment had ever hugged me. I was stunned. But then he told me it was good people like me that made this happen. I said yes, many good people. Because during that trip, I began to see how I had impacted my roommates’ lives. They didn’t see it or recognize it (I think that is the beauty of it, because my example had just become a part of them). I was just a piece to a big puzzle in God’s hands, interwoven into a beautiful tapestry of grace, beauty and love. God does love his children and answers to their needs. I have been part and recipient of that in my life. We are all a part in uplifting and edifying each other, for we are Never Alone. And I will always thank my God for that.
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