So, I'm engaged to be married. To me, this is still a very strange reality. My whole philosophy is that I can't imagine what it will be like to be married since I've never experienced it. I just have to take it one step at a time. I've been talking to some girls up at school and they say that they never really to used to the idea until they were actually in the temple. So, it is a little scary, but I know I'm not alone in it.
About a month ago, he and I took a trip to my home town, to our Grandparents' houses and his married siblings' houses. It took up our whole break, but it was a blast.
We visited my family first, right after my mom helped me move. (It was very kind of her, by the way.) We spent a few days there before he asked my Dad for my hand. At this point it was like I thought I wanted to marry him, but I wasn't all there yet. I wanted to see how I felt being with him in my backyard. Where I had my roots. For some reason, it was all very natural. It was like he belonged there. My mom sorta assisted in his being able to ask my Dad as she planned out a time that would be best and for us to be out of the way. :-)
Then he and I flew out and visited other family. It was also good because I saw many different sides of him, but they were all nothing I hadn't known before. So I was gaining confidence in the decision I was about to make.
While at one of his brother's houses I had a special experience. It was after we had said good night and had a long day together. (By the way, after spending a week with someone 24/7 you could easily get tired of them, right? For us, not at all. It was still hard to say good night even though we knew that we would see each other first thing in the morning.)I was in the front room all by myself just pondering. You know how the spirit can teach you things you already know? Like you understand a concept, but it doesn't quite hit you until the spirit seems to shout at you in its still small voice, penetrating your soul? It was one of those things. I began a conversation between myself and this special Spirit. It went something like this:
"Well, Aubrey you know one of two things is going to have to happen. You are either gonna bump him, or marry him. And it is going to be fairly soon."
Pretty simple concept, right? I knew this, but I guess I needed an extra push. It really did make the situation that much more real.
I thought to myself, "Wow, what would it be like to break up with him?" As this thought struck me I began to cry. haha. Right in the middle of a living room that I had only stayed in for a few nights. It struck me, that it pained my heart to the very center. I could not imagine that heart ache becoming very real.
It brought me back to a moment in the temple I had when we were first dating. I siad, "Heavenly Father," as I glanced over at my boyfriend at the time while he had his head bowed in fervent prayer. "Even if things don't work out between me and [my boyfriend], I want to thank you for letting me know such a man." At that moment it was either the spirit or my own emotion, but I began to cry then too.
In the middle of that living room I began to realize something. Even at that young stage of our relationship our love was deep and it had been growing since. I thought I knew I wanted to marry him for some time and had been entertaining and pondering the thought, but had not the resolve to consent to marriage.
I realized that for the longest time I had been asking the wrong question. "What should I do? What would thou have me do?" had been my incessant plea. In my classes I had been learning that in the case of marriage and most other situations we are to ponder it out in our hearts, have some conclusion in mind, and then ask the Lord if it be right. Of course I knew this, but was not ready to make any kind of decision. That night I discovered what I wanted. I knelt down and asked. "Lord, I think that [my boyfriend] and I want to be sealed in thy Holy House for time and eternity. Would this be sanctified by thy Spirit? Do you approve of this decision?" I got a surge of warmth well up in my chest and my eyes filled with tears. That was all I needed! Now I could move forward without fear. God was on my side and had given me an answer. I thanked him with as much gratitude as I could muster.
Fast forward a week. On Valentine's Day I had played him a song I had written to tell him how I felt. It was rather cute, if I say so myself! But it had ended poorly and didn't quite resolve. So I finished the song, saying yes, and played it for him in the temple parking lot. Cheesy, I know, but I wouldn't have it any other way. He was so touched at what I was doing (not necessarily the song..grr...haha) that his eyes filled with tears, but he's like my Dad and did not shed them. But we had a good moment enjoying each other and the reality of the situation. It was there we shared our and my first kiss. (He asked of course...)
Well, he had already been planning a way to ask me to marry him for some time, so just a little while later he insisted we go fishing. It was a Thursday, and I knew the ring we had been looking at wasn't in yet, so I was clueless as to what was happening. It was a school night, and I knew it would be cold, so I didn't want to go, but he insisted that it was going to snow soon and that we had to go now as opposed to the weekend. I consentedd to go for a half-hour only. Little did I know, that I would not be getting back to my homework until much later that night.
So we drove out to this river/creek-looking thing. The whole way there he was talking to his roommate in computer language. He deals with computers all the time, so I didn't think much of it. He said he had enlisted the help of his roommate and a friend in assisting him to fix a server for an apartment complex. This all seemed very normal to me, and so I didn't think much of it.
We arrived at the place and he fixed up a fishing rod for me, instructing me to cast for a while to see if I could get anything while he started running up and down the bank. He said he was looking for big fish at the surface. I thought, "What in the world? Big fish would not be at the top of the surface...but oh well! You are the expert!" What I didn't know was that he was frantically searching for a particular chest that his roommate, under his instruction, had placed in the water fifteen minutes prior to our coming. Inside this chest was a sealed jewelry/music box with a "pre-engagement" ring inside. This chest was fashioned to have a lot of fishing line around it in order to facilitate a hook snagging on it. It was also supposed to have a bobber attached to it. However, the bobber had sunk with the chest. All of a sudden his room mate shows up, and I get informed that there had been some complications to this special trip. Haha. It was the thought that counted. To make a long story short, his roommate had to point out the exact spot of the chest and we had to get it out by pulling at the safety line that had been tied to the bank. Not a bad way to go. The chest had been wrapped around with chains and locks. His roommate had to find the bottle that had also been carefully stowed away with a key in it to the locks and a note that [my boyfriend] had written. It was about "treasures"and it all related to life and our future. It was very sweet. Then I opened the locks to the chest and saw within the small box with a bunch of "treasures": coins, bracelets, and such. Then I opened the small box and it played music. (It was also supposed to light up...haha...but it was a little water logged.) So that is the cute story!
I didn't know this before the event. I was completely clueless, though I thought he had been up to something lately. One day I found his hands all covered in super glue. He said he had been fixing a fishing pole. In all actuality he had been trying to grow moss on the chest to make it look authentic and all and he had soaked it for so long that the chest had fallen apart and he was gluing it back together. He also had been trying to rust the locks and burn the edges of the note. All attempts had failed, but it was still so cute to hear about the effort that had gone into such a proposal. It was very sweet.
All in all, I know the Lord has been blessing us with strength and guidance. It took me forever to get up the guts to play him that song I made the first time, but the second time, though the song had a deeper meaning and more consequences weighed on its outcome, I was able to play it without hesitation. (I prayed a lot before we went out that night.) I also have seen his hand in our situation all a long the way. While we were courting I would tell him that I thought someone was on his side, because things would just fall into place from time to time. Truly WE are Never Alone.
