Its about time I actually posted about current events. This is a big one! I'm pregnant! 14 weeks to be precise. I don't mind sharing how this came to be because it is nothing short of a miracle (in my mind at least).
We had thought about the possibility of trying for a baby for sometime, but it didn't seem right. Then last summer I calculated that we could probably have a baby before I graduate and before my big senior recital--that is, if we got pregnant right away. Otherwise, it seemed it would be too late. I think that is when I had a chemical pregnancy. So nothing came of that and we were short on time. So we didn't try the next month. It was important to us that we get our degrees. We knew that they would benefit our family in more than just monetary value.
Then I didn't feel completely right about our decision to wait. I can't explain the feeling, but I've had those kinds of feelings before, and I recognized the source. I knew that if we tried again, we would ultimately risk my degree of choice since we probably weren't going to stick around just for me to finish my last few classes. I would still graduate with A degree, but not necessarily the one I wanted. But God was speaking to me. I had to obey. I told my husband about it, and so we started to try again.
Five months went by. Nothing happened. I was beginning to feel concerned. This was supposed to be the most fertile time of my life, right? Were we supposed to try to get pregnant just so I could find out something was wrong with me so we could get pregnant at a later date? For all I knew (yes, I was thinking dramatically...) this was all so I could go see a doctor and find out I had cancer or something that needed to be taken care of.
The next month we conceived. I was really relieved...and excited! I did the math and figured out that we would have the baby right after we were scheduled to graduate. Wow. It was perfect.
I can't help but think that during this time my faith was being tested. This pregnancy could have messed with my whole degree plan. Four years of hard work! But we moved forward in faith despite all that because of a very special prompting. It was one of those moments where I echo Joseph Smith: "I knew it, and I knew that God knew it." Then because of our faith, we were rewarded tremendously. The timing couldn't have been better.
So yes, I'm experiencing morning sickness, and all kinds of other symptoms. I won't bore everyone with the list. I think that my morning sickness is getting better, though I'm still really frustrated with food in general and my "turbulent tummy." I really want to be done with this stage...
Yes, its been challenging to balance my new physical needs with school. I've only stayed home from school a couple of times. Mostly, I've been able to attend all my classes and get my assignments done. Pregnancy really creates a new time restraint because now I'm limited in the amount of time I'm still ticking. I have to find time to take naps during the day. I've been able to achieve straight A's the last few semesters, but I think I've come to accept that this semester may be different. I don't like the thought, but I like the thought of having a healthy baby more.
The exciting thing is that we've been able to witness one ultrasound and listen to the heartbeat. Both times they said the heartbeat was were it should be. In the ultrasound, at 10 weeks, we saw the baby moving around like crazy! My husband says he or she was just dancing around. It really did look like out baby was a pretty serious break-dancer (hah j/k)! I've been reading that sometimes an active baby means a healthy baby. They also said that our baby appeared to be about four days ahead of schedule, but it wasn't anything to get too excited about. I'm under the impression that our baby will come around the expected due date anyway. Also, I am measuring "perfect."
Ok, so funny story: The first time we went in for an appointment, the scale in the office matched our scale at home. Then over the course of a month, I started to notice that it looked like I was loosing weight. I knew that some women did loose weight in the first trimester due to morning sickness, but I was eating regularly and I wasn't throwing up all that often. I thought maybe this was due to a change in diet, since there were certain foods I just couldn't seem to eat anymore. I started to get concerned when I "lost" around ten pounds. At my next appointment I had gained a couple pounds. Relief! That's about where I needed to be. Not too much, not to little at this point. It seems our scale had slowly broken. It is off by ten pounds!
In any case, it seems that we are doing really well. We are busy with school, but healthy. We are very excited and terrified to be parents. I read everything I can get my hands on. I feel very humbled that God made things turn out "just right" the way he did. It is yet another testimony to me that we are Never Alone!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
My Sould is Not Meant to be Sacrificed
So, it's obviously been a LONG time since I've blogged last. But at the request of my mother (she always knows how to get me to do things...) I decided to do this one for her.
For those of you that don't know, in high school I was in the habit of putting quotes all over my room. I mean, my room was FILLED with them. Literally, from the ceiling to the floor I had quotes from the scriptures, general authority quotes, inspirational handouts, etc posted everywhere. Well, when I graduated and left for college, my mother took a quiet moment (I guess she missed me or something like that), went into my room and sat on my bed. Taking it in, she leaned back. Lying down, she noticed directly above her I had posted a quote on the ceiling. It caught her attention because it was so curious. It read, "My soul is not meant to be sacrificed."
Out of perplexity she inquired after it. I told her just what it meant, and she asked me to write about it. So here we are.
I guess I should preface this with a little story. One summer I had the amazing opportunity to take a church history trip around the country. I'm sure most of you have heard me talk about this before. I got on a bus full of kids and make a loop around the country in three weeks. We stopped at almost all the significant church history sites. On this trip, our director created as much of a spiritual setting as he could. He required we obey certain rules. We could only listen to church appropriate music, we were not to be romantically involved with anyone, we were to pray together over meals, as we embarked on journeys, and especially at sacred sites. There was a devotional everyday, and every night we had a group study. And we stuck to a very tight schedule so we could make it to all the sites. All these rules were similar to mission rules!
In this environment, we were asked to record our feelings and impressions at each site. I really wanted to have a good, spiritual experience so I remember that at each stop I prayed earnestly that I would receive meaningful impressions. I'm convinced I did. "My soul is not meant to be sacrificed," was one of them.
It has a two-fold meaning. The first requires a basic understanding of what a soul is. In D&C 88:15 we read, "And the spirit and the body are the soul of man." To me this explains that everything we are--our mental capacities, our physical abilities, our spirit, our emotions--comprises our soul. Our soul is not complete without every little piece coming together in the end.
This is why the resurrection is so important! It is as if our soul is literally rent in twain at death: our body is separated from our spirit. For a brief time, our soul is lost. At the resurrection, our soul and perfect (This is a guarantee!) body are reunited--thus completing out soul. With me so far? Good. But this is not all. It is not all said and done here.
What if our spirit is not perfect? There is no guarantee on this one. What if it is tainted with sin? What if "our hearts have been hardened, yea, if we have hardened our hearts against the word, insomuch that it has not been found in us"(Alma 12:13)? Then we suffer what is known as a "spiritual death." In Alma 12:16, we learn that a spiritual death is a death, "as to things pertaining unto righteousness." With the loss of our spirit (not necessarily our spirit body, but our spirituality) our soul is then compromised--lost--this time forever.
This is not meant to be. My soul is not meant to be sacrificed for lust, worldly goods, pride, or shame. Our souls are not meant to be set aside to be "lovers of [our] own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, [and] lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God" (2 Timothy 3:2-4). My soul is meant to aspire to become something much more. Eventually, it was meant to be made perfect. It was not meant to be sacrificed for these vain things.
The second meaning o f this phrase is a little more self-centered. I'm the kind of person that can't stand idly by and see loved ones fall to pieces. I just can't do it! So time and time again, I feel like I have to save the world. It's not always healthy. And...I'm a bit of a perfectionist. If something is "supposed to" be a certain way, and it isn't, it tends to drive me absolutely bonkers! Where is justice?!? So, on the flip side, I am also meant to take care of my temporal needs. My physical, emotional, and mental health are a part of my soul too. They are also not meant to be sacrificed for things that aren't really worth my efforts. So I have to decide, is it really a wise choice to be invested in this? It is the never ending quest for balance (Which is another topic for another day).
So there you have it. Despite the long explanation, it is pretty simple enough. Hope that was helpful! I know that we are meant to reach a very high potential. If we keep the end goal in mind it will be that much easier to choose good choices in the here and now. After all, we are really Never Alone in our endeavors. We will receive help from the other side, and our efforts will not be in vain. If we go the other direction and sacrifice what is really important, than those efforts will be in vain. Remember, your soul is not mean to be sacrificed.
For those of you that don't know, in high school I was in the habit of putting quotes all over my room. I mean, my room was FILLED with them. Literally, from the ceiling to the floor I had quotes from the scriptures, general authority quotes, inspirational handouts, etc posted everywhere. Well, when I graduated and left for college, my mother took a quiet moment (I guess she missed me or something like that), went into my room and sat on my bed. Taking it in, she leaned back. Lying down, she noticed directly above her I had posted a quote on the ceiling. It caught her attention because it was so curious. It read, "My soul is not meant to be sacrificed."
Out of perplexity she inquired after it. I told her just what it meant, and she asked me to write about it. So here we are.
I guess I should preface this with a little story. One summer I had the amazing opportunity to take a church history trip around the country. I'm sure most of you have heard me talk about this before. I got on a bus full of kids and make a loop around the country in three weeks. We stopped at almost all the significant church history sites. On this trip, our director created as much of a spiritual setting as he could. He required we obey certain rules. We could only listen to church appropriate music, we were not to be romantically involved with anyone, we were to pray together over meals, as we embarked on journeys, and especially at sacred sites. There was a devotional everyday, and every night we had a group study. And we stuck to a very tight schedule so we could make it to all the sites. All these rules were similar to mission rules!
In this environment, we were asked to record our feelings and impressions at each site. I really wanted to have a good, spiritual experience so I remember that at each stop I prayed earnestly that I would receive meaningful impressions. I'm convinced I did. "My soul is not meant to be sacrificed," was one of them.
It has a two-fold meaning. The first requires a basic understanding of what a soul is. In D&C 88:15 we read, "And the spirit and the body are the soul of man." To me this explains that everything we are--our mental capacities, our physical abilities, our spirit, our emotions--comprises our soul. Our soul is not complete without every little piece coming together in the end.
This is why the resurrection is so important! It is as if our soul is literally rent in twain at death: our body is separated from our spirit. For a brief time, our soul is lost. At the resurrection, our soul and perfect (This is a guarantee!) body are reunited--thus completing out soul. With me so far? Good. But this is not all. It is not all said and done here.
What if our spirit is not perfect? There is no guarantee on this one. What if it is tainted with sin? What if "our hearts have been hardened, yea, if we have hardened our hearts against the word, insomuch that it has not been found in us"(Alma 12:13)? Then we suffer what is known as a "spiritual death." In Alma 12:16, we learn that a spiritual death is a death, "as to things pertaining unto righteousness." With the loss of our spirit (not necessarily our spirit body, but our spirituality) our soul is then compromised--lost--this time forever.
This is not meant to be. My soul is not meant to be sacrificed for lust, worldly goods, pride, or shame. Our souls are not meant to be set aside to be "lovers of [our] own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, [and] lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God" (2 Timothy 3:2-4). My soul is meant to aspire to become something much more. Eventually, it was meant to be made perfect. It was not meant to be sacrificed for these vain things.
The second meaning o f this phrase is a little more self-centered. I'm the kind of person that can't stand idly by and see loved ones fall to pieces. I just can't do it! So time and time again, I feel like I have to save the world. It's not always healthy. And...I'm a bit of a perfectionist. If something is "supposed to" be a certain way, and it isn't, it tends to drive me absolutely bonkers! Where is justice?!? So, on the flip side, I am also meant to take care of my temporal needs. My physical, emotional, and mental health are a part of my soul too. They are also not meant to be sacrificed for things that aren't really worth my efforts. So I have to decide, is it really a wise choice to be invested in this? It is the never ending quest for balance (Which is another topic for another day).
So there you have it. Despite the long explanation, it is pretty simple enough. Hope that was helpful! I know that we are meant to reach a very high potential. If we keep the end goal in mind it will be that much easier to choose good choices in the here and now. After all, we are really Never Alone in our endeavors. We will receive help from the other side, and our efforts will not be in vain. If we go the other direction and sacrifice what is really important, than those efforts will be in vain. Remember, your soul is not mean to be sacrificed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)